Cast. Hooked. Caught. His words stop me dead in my tracks.
“You know she didn’t get that position because she’s dating you,” he says to my back. “And she’s not going to get the next position because of her association with you, or the one after that.”
All the blood in my body runs cold.
“You think a professor of the number one university in the state is going to want to work with someone who’s dating the guy that’s had to meet with the dean not once, but twice, for fighting? Get real, Hall.”
My molars grind together, but it’s not because of what he’s saying, but rather because I don’t need to confirm any of it to know that it’s true. When this relationship was fake, I worried about what people would say about her. I worried they’d question her judgement, or worse, judge her for giving me a chance. Somewhere along the way, I stopped caring about the noise, because Chloe never listened when they said those things about me. She never let it touch her. But I was an idiot for thinking anything about me wouldn’t affect her. Because this isn’t just talk or a stupid label. This is her life.
“That girl could have everything she wants,” he continues. “And she did have it all when she was with me.”
“She was never with you,” I grit out, finally turning around. “You were selfish. And too fucking stupid to claim her, and now that she’s with me, you’re realizing you let the best girl go and it fucking kills you.”
“Maybe.” His shoulder lifts, carelessly. “But ask yourselfthis; are you going to be selfish enough to stay with her and continue to ruin her life? And more importantly, do you really think she’s going to want to stay with you when she finds out.”
His thin lips form a straight line, and he keeps his hands in his pockets when he shrugs. He doesn’t wait for a response before heading into the coffee shop, leaving me on the sidewalk that I wish would open up and swallow me whole.
The idea of her with Nathan makes me sick. Fuck, the idea of her with anyone else makes me want to die.
I might hate the guy, but he was right about one thing. Chloe does deserve everything. She deserves the world and more.
That familiar feeling that I wasn’t aware I was carrying anymore begins to snake its way through me, and I know at this very moment, I have never and will never take a harder hit than this one.
39
chloe
Arbor Hill is onlya forty-five minute drive from Linden Creek, but with Savannah at the wheel and nothing but dead grass and barren trees outside my window, my overactive imagination has started to ramp up.
Today feels like the worst possible time I could have chosen to come home, but I couldn’t cancel again without starting to raise concerns. I used to think if I spread out my time spent with my parents, then surely we would find other things to talk about besides myself. I’ve been visiting them every other month or so for the last two years, and it’s not worked yet.
“I think I forgot to put deodorant on today.” Savannah drops her nose to her shoulder. “Do I stink?”
“I can’t smell you, but even if you did, I think I’m predispositioned to think you smell good.”
“Like a kid that carries one of those grimey stuffies around and it smells so bad, but they think it’s the best smell in the world.” She laughs.
“Exactly. You’re my grimey stuffy.”
Twenty minutes later, Savannah parks along the sidewalk in front of my childhood home. The two story brick exteriorlooks exactly the same. The planter box under the windows has been dug out as they prepare for winter. The same sea-foam green rocking chair sits on the porch. The Linden Creek Lions flag that hangs above it has been a new addition over the last four years, but besides that, it’s like being teleported back to my childhood.
As I open the front door, it even smells the same.
“It’s me!” I call out.
“And meee!” Savannah echoes.
At that, Cinna and Effie come bounding from the kitchen to the main entrance, tails wagging, tongues out.
I set my bag beside me, at the same moment, Savannah and I both drop to our knees, giving the twin golden retrievers the love they deserve.
“Cindy! The girls are home,” my dad calls out. Just as the house has stayed the same, so has my dad. His smile lines are a little deeper, and the gray streaks at the side of his head have thickened, but other than that, he’s still the same strong, tall, clean-smelling dad. Savannah’s full lips purse into a smile beside me as he takes us both in his arms and gives us one of those uncomfortably tight squeezes. The man doesn’t know his own strength sometimes, but there’s never any question about his love.
“My girls!” My mom steps into the living room, waving a dish towel above her head. In a hurried walk, she sidesteps the dogs that are now circling between everyone, shoves her husband aside, and pulls Savannah and me into one of her softer but equally loving hugs.
“How was the drive?” she asks.
“Fine. No traffic,” Savannah answers. “Although the person in charge of the road snacks forgot to grab them from the counter.” She gives my mom the conspiracy eyes to which she genuinely looks shocked at my forgetfulness. Which is fair, I’m not usually a forgetful person. Unlike Savannah, who can’t remember the name of a single person we went to highschool with, I’m the exact opposite. I will remember not only the boy I randomly sat next to for two weeks in biology, but I’ll also remember the story I overheard him telling someone about how his sister’s boyfriend broke up with her because she wasexperimentingwhile in college. I don’t know if it’s because I’m ruled by the moon or what, but I’ve never forgotten anything a day in my life.
