I rifle through my bag, because even though I couldn’t see incoming notifications, I still didn’t trust myself not to get distracted. When I turn my phone back to default mode, suddenly DND feels like a huge mistake when I unlock it and find an email from the school. It’s been over a week since that interview, which in the grand scheme of life I guess is a grain of sand. But in my current situation, it felt like a lifetime. Without hesitation, I open the email.
Dear Ms. Cooper,
After an extensive interview process, we regret toinform you that we were unable to select you for the teacher assistant position for Professor Carlos Soto in the upcoming semester. We greatly appreciate your interest in the role and hope you consider applying for a position again for a future semester if it still fits in your academic plans. We thank you for your time and wish you luck in your future here at Linden Creek University.
Tina Marshall
A rush fills my head as all the blood drops and fills my legs.
We regret to inform you.
I read the words three times over but they never fully set in.
We regret to inform you.
I read again.How is this possible? How did—How…How did this happen?
When I can no longer form a coherent thought, and before I end up frozen to the chair, I cram all my shit into my bag in the messiest—but still on-brand—way possible, and practically sprint for the front doors.
I faintly register orange and brown leaves falling around me, but it’s the failure and the panic I can’t get a grip on. The wind is strong today, whipping my hair across my face, and I close my eyes as I run through the campus, desperate to get out of here.
“Woah.” One hand grips my bicep and I’m spun around. “Where are you running off to?”
“I—” I look around from the library now in the background to Nathan’s hand clutching my elbow. Liquid heat begins building in my eyes, and my throat already burns. “I have to go.” I turn, pulling out of his grip and batting my fingers across my water line.
“Chloe, wait.” Nathan runs fast enough to pass me, then stops in front of me with both hands on my shoulders. “You can’t still be mad at me.”
My face furrows and I push out of his hold.
“I’m not mad at you,” I say more annoyed than I intended. “I just need to get home.”
“You seem like you’re still mad.”
“Well, that’s because you're self-centered.” This time, the annoyancewasintentional.
“Okay.” He huffs. “Clearly, you’re upset with me.”
“Nathan, enough. I’m not mad or upset, because in order to be those things with you, I would have to think about you.”
He rolls his eyes, and I know I’ve touched a nerve. I dared to poke that precious little ego of his and now he’s feeling the bruise. He scoffs while somehow still smiling as he attempts to come off as unphased, but with my rose colored glasses finally off, I feel like I’m seeing him for the first time. I’m able to see so clearly through his bullshit now.
“I know you think the world revolves around you, but that’s only going to get you so far. Now, can you please move.” I don’t give him the chance to say anything else, or even to be decent and step out of the way. Instead, I lead with my shoulder as I barge past him and I don’t stop until I get home.
Steam fills the glass dome of my diffuser as the lavender oil begins to circulate. Somehow, I managed to make it home without crying. Panic hasn’t set in yet either, so I’m attempting to get ahead of it, by blasting some calming oils throughout my apartment.
The knock on my front door startles me. I peel myself offthe couch, dropping the pillow I was clinging to, and open the door.
“Hey. What’s wrong?” Maverick asks, slightly out of breath.
“Did you run here?”
“You asked me to come as soon as I was done,” he replies like the answer is obvious. “Noah drove us today, and Milly’s waiting for him to finish a meeting with Coach, so I just showered and ran over.”
I close my eyes, dropping my head. Maverick steps in, kicking the front door closed behind him. Before I can brace myself, his arms wrap around me. I slump against his chest, finally letting the tears I’ve been holding back spill freely.
“What happened?” He holds me close against his body with one arm while his other hand cradles the back of my head.
“I didn’t get the TA position.”
