I swear my heartbeat stops and then thumps again like it just restarted itself. “What?”
“He’s using you,” he says again with no malice, just matter-of-factly. “He doesn’t have to make anything official with you because he’s got everything right now. You probably come over any time he calls, but he could also call someone else if he wanted, without guilt, because he’s single.” He finger quotes the word single, and even though I’ve guiltilyfelt the same thoughts before, hearing someone else say them out loud feels so much worse.
When Nathan and I met freshman year during a microeconomics class, I was instantly drawn to him. He was confident in a way that I wasn’t, and when he showed an interest in me, I felt wanted. I’ve always had a little more romantic idealization of life, so even though I knew my feelings for him were real, I couldn’t expect him to feel the same so soon. Going into year four, and I’ve been by his side for everything. I know him better than he knows himself, so I refuse to believe in a world where we don’t end up together.
“I get how it seems.” I take a step back, needing to put some distance between us and fresh air in my lungs. “But it’s different.”
“Is it?”
I freeze with my hand halfway to the cup of markers before setting my shoulders back. I don’t need someone who, as far as I’m concerned, has never been in a relationship a day in his life to tell me what’s wrong with mine.
I grab the cup, march to the table at the front of the room, and arrange the rest of the supplies so that everything will be perfect when Jonathan arrives for his volunteer hours tonight.
I don’t look back as I grab my bag and head straight for the door.
“Hey, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“It’s fine.” I have one hand on the handle when a large calloused hand grips my elbow, and I turn around.
“Chloe.” His voice is softer than I’ve ever heard him, but I can’t bring myself to look up at his face.
“You don’t know our whole story,” I manage to get out.
“Okay.”
“And I didn’t explain us very well.”
He nods his head once, putting both hands in the pockets of his shorts. “All I was trying to say was if he wanted to be with you, he would be.”
I flick my Rainbows under the small shoe rack by the front door and drop my keys in the Café Bustelo coffee container on the entry table. The oversized window in our living room lights up the space with the warm morning sun. Nothing beats snuggling up on our deep cushioned couch with a fresh cup of coffee and binge-watching my favorite show while the lazy sun beams in through the cottage-style bay window.
Except this.
Tiny dust fragments dance through the soft pink rays of the evening sun pouring through the windows in my room. The black vintage iron bed frame and dusty blue comforter take on an orange hue in the light. The spines of all the books on my built-in shelf glow, while my box of essential oils sits safely on the bottom shelf under constant shade. Prism charms hang in the window, reflecting a rainbow over the butterfly wall art that hangs over the bed now calling my name. This room is comfort in the form of four walls. Ready to be in nothing but an oversized T-shirt and my underwear for the rest of the night, I strip off my tank top just as a knock sounds against my door.
“Chlo, you home?”
“Yeah, come in.”
Savannah saunters into my room, shaking some jelly beans in her fist before dropping to the end of my bed.
“How was work?” I ask, heading to my ensuite, and catching her eye roll on my way. “That bad, huh?”
“No. I’m just being dramatic. I got to work with Peter, so it wasn’t all bad. How was Ms. Rosie today?”
Rosie’s mischievous smile when she saw the giant brute of a hockey player come into the common room today flashes in my mind. Quickly followed by the man himself. That cocky tilt to his lips and eyes so blue you could drown in them almost makes me forget what hesaid about Nathan.
“Hello?”
I give a sharp shake of my head, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror. “She’s good.” I clear my throat while running my hands under the cool water and then patting my face with them. “Same old Rosie.”
Savannah’s eyes follow me out of the bathroom with a slight quirk to her eyebrow. I ignore the silent question and pull out an extra large T-shirt that I won from a dive bar last summer in Bayview Beach.
“Wait!”
I freeze with the shirt halfway to my head.
“Come out with me tonight.”
