“Probaly, Kingston.”
“What is your favorite word in another language?
“Chimichangana.”
“Is your bed made right now?”
“Of course.”
“Beach or mountains.”
Beach is ingrained in me. But the moment of pause reminds me of all the stars that must be visible from the mountains, so I answer with the latter.
“What's the best non-curse word insult?”
I lift my hand, throwing up a L sign, and that gets a crack out of him.
“And finally, if you weren’t playing hockey, what would you be doing?”
Drowning. Failing.That’s the million-dollar question for someone who put all his eggs into one basket, isn’t it?
26
chloe
After a quick shower,I’m running out the door, hauling ass to my criminology class. Half the students don’t bother showing up anymore, but since I’m trying to stand out in the crowd, I don’t have the luxury of skipping a day.
Sav: Guess who just walked into the Den?
Chloe: Tell.
Sav: Remember the Victorian child that wasn’t going to make it through winter?
“I was hoping this seat would be open.”
I drop my phone when Nathan slides into the chair next to mine. His familiar scent immediately drags me back to some of my favorite memories with him, but he looks different. His hair is still the same soft brown, cut the same length, and gelled back. He’s wearing jeans and a fitted LCU football T-shirt like usual. Not even a hint of a five o’clock shadow on his always clean-shaven face to throw off his look, and yet, something’s changed.
“Hey,” I say, after a moment of staring. “I’m sorry I missed your text the other day. I didn’t have any service.” I hear thelie come out of my mouth like it’s second nature. I’ve been doing it for so long—telling him what he wants to hear, or making up excuses so he never feels like he’s not a priority—I guess I hadn’t even realized I was doing it.
“What text?”
My stomach drops, and I feel my face heat. “On Saturday…”
“Oh.” He shakes his head, smiling. “We won our game and went out to Rowdy’s after. I don’t remember anything from that night.”
Thankfully, the class has started to fill up, otherwise my swallow would absolutely be audible. I’ve been agonizing over that text for the last forty-eight hours, wondering if that was my shot. Debating if that was the one. If after all this time he finally realized, he wanted to be with me. And because I missed it, maybe I’d lost it for good. But then the words finally sink in. He doesn’t even remember.
Professor Soto enters, but I don’t hear a word he says. My mind is spinning. I thought I’d loved Nathan for years. I thought that if I held out and gave all of myself to him he would finally see it, too. But the longer I held on, the clearer it became that I wasn’t thinking about my own feelings anymore. I’ve been ignoring my worth and trying to earn a love that had nothing to do with me.
Now when I look over at Nathan, I realize what’s changed. And it has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with me.
“Okay, and how is the criminology class going? Have you had any conversations with Professor Soto?”
“Good.” I run my palms over the tops of my jeans, trying to occupy my hands. “Good, yeah. I’ve only talked to him twice, both times short, but I think he knows my face now.”
“Good. And your interview is…”
“Not for another two weeks.”
