I purse my lips with a nod and look away, trying to appear as nonchalant as possible. Silently begging her to ignore the fact that I picked up on something like that.
“Is it bad?”
“No. It’s just not you.”
Last night, we stayed up so late that by the time we climbed into the tent, there wasn’t enough time to worry about how close we were. As soon as our heads hit the pillows, we were out. Tonight, though, the space feels claustrophobic. We lie onour backs beside each other, the silence stretching loud between us.
My fingers brush against the back of her hand, and she immediately shifts, resting it on her stomach.
“Are you trying to make a move?” she asks, her voice light, and I hear her smile even though I can't see it in the dark.
I exhale, feeling relieved that she didn’t pull away completely. “No. Not unless you want me to.”
She laughs softly. “I don’t think that was in the rules.”
“And without rules,” I say, keeping my tone playful, “we’re just animals, right?”
“Right,” she agrees, still amused.
My chest rumbles with a quiet laugh as my eyes finally adjust to the darkness and the shape of her beside me. “That’s probably best. It’s been so long, I can’t guarantee it wouldn’t be a disappointment anyway.”
I meant it as a joke, but the silence that follows suddenly feels too quiet.
“Has it?” she asks, no longer teasing. “I mean, has it been a while since you?—”
She doesn’t finish, but she doesn’t need to. I let out a breath as I close my eyes. “Yeah, Chloe, I haven’t been with anyone since you stormed in on me naked in the locker room.” I haven’t been with anyone since weeks prior to that event either. I think back to the parties when I had Kat in my lap all night, then kissing Laney in the hallway, but both nights, thoughts of Chloe were too heavy in my mind to do anything. She doesn’t need to know all of that, though.
“I know you’re probably thinking that must be hard for me.”
“Not really.”
“Hockey player. Chews gum. Playboy, right?”
“That’s not all I think about you.”
Her response, mixed with the quiet rustle of her headtwisting on the pillow case, pulls me onto my side to face her. I don’t say anything, I just let her look at me. She never shies away, and even when it begins to feel like she’s cutting me open, and I want to bolt, I remain still.
“No?”
She tucks her bottom lip between her teeth with the smallest shake of her head, and I want to reach over and rest my thumb there.
“I mean, I’ve been curious why you don’t date, but…” She shrugs, sliding her hands under her cheek. “But you said you haven’t found someone you want to commit to yet, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”
I’m thrown off by her words until I remember the night I did say that. It was a lie then and it’s a lie now.
“Most people think that I just want to hook up.”
“I’m not most people.”
Don't I know it.
I prop my head up onto my hand. “Why?”
“Why what?” she whispers.
“Why don’t you assume the worst of me?”
“I think the better question is, why do youletpeople assume the worst about you?”
