“I come from a ‘you can do anything’ and ‘the world is your oyster’ family,” I finally say. “If I even think about doing something there's this—” I shake my head, searching for thewords, and I realize I’ve only ever felt them, and never actually said them out loud. “I don’t know, it’s like there’s a certainty that I’ve succeeded or I’ve won before I’ve even started.”
Maverick’s brows pinch slightly, but he doesn’t say anything, just waits for me to continue.
“I don’t think there’s ever been any pressure directly from my parents, but sometimes it feels like my options aretoolimitless.”
“That explains it.”
“What?”
“Why you’re always doing the most.”
I huff a humorless laugh, looking down at the bags of candies in my lap. “It’s funny because sometimes it feels like no matter what I do it’s not enough.”
Two hours outside of town, and it’s the first lull in conversation we’ve had since we started driving. It’s not an awkward silence, though, and I don’t feel the need to start babbling about anything. Instead, I take a second to pull my gaze away from Maverick and look out my window.
Rows of trees line either side of the road so thick, I can’t see anything beyond them. The fall foliage is at its absolute peak now, and I pull my camera from my backpack, pointing it out the window to get the shot.
Maverick reaches over, pulling out another gummy worm, and I swat his hand away. He sticks the candy between his teeth with a shit-eating grin, and I’m compelled to lift the camera, snapping a photo of him.
“You know, I bet every girl back in Linden Creek is jealous of me right now,” I say, leaning my head back, looking at him.
“Yeah?” He glances over at me. “Because of the gourmet snacks you packed?”
“Because I’m alone in a car on my way to spend a long weekend with you.”
His lips pull up, and for the first time one of his forced smiles is aimed at me. I take note that anytime I mentioned a relationship to him, his response is some variation of this. As far as I know, Maverick’s never had a girlfriend, so a broken heart or scorned lover likely isn’t the case.
“What’s the deal with the camera?” he asks, changing the subject.
I shrug, setting my print in the little dash cubby. “I just like the way they look. Plus, every time I go home, I find myself flipping through old photo albums, and I always think, ‘I’m going to want physical photos to look back on one day,’ and then I always say I’m going to get them printed from my phone, but I never do.”
“I found some at Creekside a little while ago. You got some good shots of Rosie.”
A small laugh slips from my mouth. “She’s an easy subject.”
“How long have you been visiting her?”
“About a year. I started volunteering for a class, like you, but Rosie showed up at the end of my time, and I just kind of bonded with her. So, even though my volunteer hours were met, I continued going to visit her.”
“That’s nice of you. Willie was telling me her family doesn’t visit often.”
“Willie, huh? Have you two sparked up a little bromance?” I turn in my seat, fully facing him now.
“I mean, wechat.” He waves a hand around in front of him. “But we’re not besties or anything.”
“Mhmm.” I smile around a bite of my gummy worm before handing one to him. “To answer your question, she has family, but they live out of state, and I just can’t help but think, if she were my grandma, I’d want to know she had some company.”
Maverick makes a sound, and when I look at him, he’s shaking his head with a smile on his face.
“What?”
“You’re just so…good.” The skin around his knuckles tightens as he grips the steering wheel.
I glance over at him and see someone who's learned to live with being misunderstood. And maybe that's what gets me. We’re doing the same things, but he sees something good in me without question, and it makes me wonder if he ever lets the noise get to him. If the version of himself the world insists on seeing ever clouds what he knows to be true.
22
maverick
