“I love you,” he said anyway.
“Stop! Just stop talking. You’re not leaving me. You hear me!”
“Come on, we gotta get him outta here and to a hospital,” one of Whodie’s homeboys scooped him up.
Before we could get him in the car, Whodie had stopped breathing. Hollow came running.
“Aye…Adore, drive this muthafucka while I do CPR. I don’t give a fuck ‘bouta light or if the police get behind you. Drive, cause yo’ nigga life depends on it.”
Hollow hopped right in the back seat and started chest compressions. I pulled off with a few of the 239 Boyz behind me. I tried my best to focus on the road, but I kept looking in the rearview mirror at Whodie’s limp body.
“Breathe, nigga! Breathe!” Hollow said as he pressed into his chest.
I was blinded by my tears as I ran red lights and horns blew.
“He said he would never leave me,” I cried.
“Sis, I got you. Just keep drivin’. This nigga not ‘bouta die on me. We’ve been through too much shit together. Nigga can’t leave us now.”
I heard Hollow, but when we got to the hospital, and Whodie still didn’t have a pulse, I knew this shit was over. He had gone too long without breathing. Hollow was covered in blood and winded from performing CPR. As they wheeled Whodie to the back with a machine now pushing down on his chest, Hollow grabbed me, and all I could do was cry.
I had been sick to my stomach since the doors closed and they took Whodie to the back. I’ll never forget this feeling. This was worse than Sosa, and for the life of me, I couldn’t understand why every man I had was taken away from me. I could remember my brother grabbing me before my body hit the ground. The nurses throwing me on a bed and pushed me to the back. I was awake, but I felt like I was dead. My heart was hurting, and all I wanted was my Whodie. When they got me stable, Hollow was sitting in the corner with his head in his hands. I just knew shit wasn’t about to get worse.
“Hollow,” I called out.
When he lifted his head, his eyes were bloodshot red. The dried blood of my man was still on his clothes.
“Adore, I need you to rest. Your blood pressure is high,” he said calmly.
“Hollow, don’t tell me rest. How is Whodie?”
Hollow looked at my machine and then back at me. The machine was beating faster as I waited for an answer.
“Adore,” Hollow said.
“Hollow, I’m going to spazz the fuck out. Tell me!”
“He’s gone, Adore.”
EPILOGUE
I told myself that after today, I would never wear black again. That’s all I saw when I stepped out of the car. Since losing Whodie, that’s all my life felt like... darkness. I adjusted my shades as Love squeezed my hand before letting it go.
“You okay?” she asked softly.
I nodded even though we both knew that was a lie I had been telling for years. I hadn’t been good for a long time, but I was getting there. Whodie was helping me get there. Nobody was evergoodafter burying the love of their life. You just learn how to breathe through it. Wake up and pray that it’s a better day than the day before. The heels I wore clicked against the pavement as I walked forward, each step heavier than the last. I didn’t acknowledge any whispers at the church, and I wasn’t about to acknowledge them here either. I stopped when I reached the front. The casket sat there, polished and dripped in gold just like my baby liked.
“Whodie,” I said, running my hand across his name on the casket.
I couldn’t even cry. I cried enough to last the rest of my life. He was the only man who made me feel like I was the only woman in the world for him. He never cared about my positionbecause all he wanted was me. I looked over at the picture next to his casket of him, smiling with his baby face before the facial hair. It was one of my favorite pictures. He was smirking with his gold grill showing. His eyes were low from the weed and pills at the time of his life.
“I’m going to miss your smile,” I murmured under my breath. I swallowed hard. “You said you weren’t leaving me. You said that shit like you meant it.”
Behind me, I could feel my brother’s presence before I even turned around. He didn’t say anything. Hollow still carried the guilt and blamed himself. Shit, we all did. As the funeral director nodded his head for them to proceed, I took a seat and just sat there numb. When it was over, everyone stopped by and hugged me or gave me their condolences. As the flowers were removed and the casket started dropping, I was going down in the hole with my man. I was dead too.
I had stayed at Hollow’s since the incident happened. Nothing could prepare me to go home and look at my man’s stuff in the closet. His colognes sitting on his side of the room.
“Adore, you can stay as long as you want,” Love told me.
