“So what is this guilt trip then?”
He frowned. “Guilt trip? Arden, I spent the last eight years of my life working overtime to getyouout of your own goddamn mess because you’refamily. Don’t you get that? Alex loved you, bella. Hell, you made himlaugh.I hadn’t seen him do that in years. I know Heath and Monty haven’t forgiven you, but truthfully, there’s nothing to forgive. Alex was shit for putting you in that position to begin with. You didn’t do anything wrong. You justexisted. You did the very thing that the Ravens bend over backward to give every survivor—a chance to heal from a really fucked world.”
“Mick…wecan’tstay.”
He sighed. “But I wish you would,” he said simply. “Even though it’s hard, even with the manhunt for Creed, I wish you would choose to survive with us instead of on your own.”
“I won’t be on my own,” I assured him. “I’ll have Rafe and Kane.”
“Arden,” he said, concern etching his features, “have youlookedat them? I meanreallylooked? They are in no position to protect you right now. What you pulled off today wasn’t Creed being the unstoppable Creed you’ve always been; it wassuicidethat, thankfully, failed. You drove into a fucking wall. Kane didn’t even take a gun, and Rafe…his hands are fucked, Arden.”
My brow furrowed as my gaze darted to where Rafe sat a few rows ahead by himself, curved toward the window with his eyes shut. Kane was in the row across, curved away too. “What do you mean his hands are fucked?”
“I mean I don’t know that the guy has fingers thatweren’tbroken since he was put in cuffs,” Mickey said solemnly. “I don’t know if it’s self-inflicted, but it sure fucking seems like it. It’s like all of you are just chasing after death, and it’s terrifying. That glint in your eye eight years ago when you left me to blow up that precinct, I begged any god that would listen to soften that inside you while you were locked up. Not because the world doesn’t deserve your rage but because I knew that it would get you killed, and I can’t stomach it, Arden. I don’t want to lose you too.”
I fell quiet at his admission.
“Please.” His breath stuttered. “Just think about it, okay? There are other ways to get rid of Viktor. S.I.N. is a beast. It will be decades of work before the Ravens can firmly have it all ended—I know that. But one guy? We can take him, Arden. All of us. Together.”
“It’s not your fight,” I gritted out.
“Yes, it is.” He gave me a frustrated look. “It always has been. Did you forget that I was an asset? We never talked about it, but weallwere, Arden. We’re not just oblivious fuckers with no knowledge to your suffering. I understand—”
“You don’t!” I shouted, cutting him off, the quiet chatter at the front of the jet halting. I sucked in a breath and glared at him. “I am in your debt, Mickey Delgado, but I willnotrepay it by getting any Raven killed because of my vendetta. It ismine. My fight. My pain. It’s Kane’s. It’s Rafe’s. But it isnotyours. Stand the fuck down. Take care of your Ravens and let Creed do what Creed does best.”
“Self-destruct?” he asked, seething. “Make a fucking mess?”
“Death,” I growled. “We aren’t chasing it. We.Are. Death. Creed is sacrifice, torment, and goddamnblood.Anyone that comes near us is bargaining with their life, so count your fucking blessings, get up from this seat, and go be with your family.You’re being handed a mercy, Mickey. They don’t come often for assets.” I gripped my armrests, knuckles white. Alex’s voice poured through my soul, and I squeezed my eyes shut. “Don’t be a fool.”
The seat creaked as he left without another word. I peered through my lashes, my heart thumping in my throat as he rejoined the Ravens, Heath squeezing his shoulder as he ducked his head angrily. One day, he would understand that I’d saved him from so much pain and heartbreak. My eyes burned, but I forced my tears back. I wanted to drown in them, to wade in their salt while all the brightness I had left devoured evil. It was all I had left to give, and Iwouldgive it. I sniffed and ran the back of my hand under my nose, blinking rapidly as I looked out the window at all the sparkling city lights as we neared Manhattan.
When the jet landed, the Ravens didn’t say goodbye. Mickey just shoved a stack of hundreds into my grasp before they all climbed into a limo and disappeared into the night, leaving Rafe, Kane, and I standing shoulder to shoulder on the tarmac, our arms folded as we watched them go. The three of us seemed to be holding a collective breath, and the second the car was out of sight, we all exhaled. It was like a chapter was closing—a chapter we’d spent most of our lives yearning for. The healing chapter; it was done, gone,poof. Finally fully extinguished. I ran my thumb over the money before splitting it into thirds, passing a stacktoward the guys. We shoved the cash into our pockets. Then we walked together down the road to where a rental lot sat. The facility’s lights were out, the doors closed since it was two in the morning, but we were hardly above stealing.
I sucked in a breath as I scanned the lot, my gaze catching on some older bikes I knew would be capable of hot wiring. My stomach hollowed as I crossed to them, but I stopped when I didn’t hear the sound of footsteps accompanying mine in the gravel. Both Creed were so still as they stared at those bikes. Rafe was vacant still, but Kane looked as if I’d punched him straight through the heart…and maybe I had. I walked back to them, looking between them,barelyrecognizing them, before I summoned every ounce of courage I had and reached for their hands. I took their fingers between mine, pain flickering through me when I realized how right Mickey had been. Rafe’s hands and fingers seemed as if they’d healed wrong dozens of times, every finger wrapped. But I couldn’t focus on that right then. I squeezed their palms gently and set my jaw, all of us exchanging a grim expression. Then I let go of their hands and signed.
I can’t do it anymore, I told them honestly.I can’t be your only fucking reason to remain human. I’m going to hot wire one of those bikes, and I’m going to hunt Viktor Shaw. You don’t have to come with me. I can do this on my own. If you want to be done with this, all of it, I won’t fault you or be angry with you. But if you choose to come with me, you come because you need this deeply, more than anything in the world, and because you’re willing to let your corpse burn if it comes down to it. We aren’t doing this as Creed this time. We’re doing this as Arden, Rafe, Kane, and Thorne. And yes, I choose to believe that he is here. He is with us. Always.I threw my chin over my shoulder.What was it that you said when Leah died, Kane? If you ever lost your brother, you wanted someone to remind you that he loved fast bikes and city lights, but I think the real reminderyou need—that weallneed—is that Thorne would never let a cage define him, and the last eight years? Just another cage. Another hell.I swallowed, grateful at the sight of Kane softening but terrified at the dead look Rafe still had.There used to be a version of us that knew how to love between hells. I want to believe it still exists. I want to hope…just this last time. Even if it kills me.
Kane’s gaze lifted toward the bikes. His throat worked, his eyes glassy before he strode toward them and grabbed the helmet off one of the seats. He gripped it tight between his palms, hesitant, before he shoved it on and squared his shoulders, turning to us.
I looked at Rafe and took a small step closer to him. He was still so…not there. Gently, I slid my palm over his bicep, trying to draw him back to the present, and his chin jerked down, his dark eyes finally finding mine. His brows drew together.Are you coming?I asked.
He blinked. Hard. Then he lifted one of his bandaged hands and winced as he signed,Arden?
I traced my gaze over his face. He had so many new scars.It’s okay, I told him sincerely.If you want to take a car and go your separate way, then you should. You deserve peace.
Rafe visibly shuddered. He peered at me more intensely, my breath catching when he lifted his hands to my shoulders. Slowly, almost with apprehension, he lowered his palms flat against my leather jacket. He pushed down firmly, as if he expected his hands to go straight through me. When they didn’t, he tore his hands back like I’d burned him, his face stricken before he shook his head as if trying to clear it, stumbling back a step, shattering me from the inside out.
Rafe?I tried to approach him again, but he completely shut himself off from me again. His entire body went rigid, his fists curling as he shouldered past me and took one of the bikes next to Kane. Every movement was nearly mechanical.
You okay, man?Kane signed.
Rafe tugged on a helmet.Fine.
Stuffing my heartbreak down, I approached Kane’s bike and hot wired it before kneeling next to Rafe’s and doing the same. The engines purred as I did my own, shoving a helmet on and gripping the handles.
“Where do we start? There’s no chance he’s still at that estate. He would’ve moved when he saw that footage and everything about us in the press,” Kane said, his voice muffled behind his helmet.
The nearest foster home,I said with a grimace.
