“Yeah, a good fuck can do that to a man.”
My nose crinkled, and I narrowed my eyes at him. “Kane, are you alright?”
He took a long drag, his head knocking back against the seat and his eyes closing as he blew out smoke in a thick cloud. “Instigator.Aggressive,” he murmured.
I frowned. “What?”
He peeked through his lashes. “Just something some suit wrote down about me.”
My frown deepened. “You’re so much more than that.”
He clucked his tongue. He took another drag before chucking the cig out the window.
“Loyal,” I said, drawing his gaze back to the mirror. “Strong-willed. Protective. Charming—well, when you give a shit to be.”
His lips twitched, but he still looked dead in his eyes. I hated that. Kane, in so many ways, had a fire that often rivaled mine. His anger could burn incredibly bright, but where mine liked to manifest outwardly, his was entirely internal until he eventually exploded. It was why, I guess, I never shied away from his entirely violent and sometimes impulsive nature. Kane loved by making people bleed—specifically the people who bled the ones he loved. I admired that about him so much. Half of the shit he’d done was for Thorne, to protect his brother and keep the focus on himself. He drew unwanted attention for years, purposefully keeping himself in the spotlight to allow Thorne to stay in theshadows. The deepest parts of him weregood, but if eyes could tell a story, Kane’s would say that he looked into mirrors and only saw a monster, a disaster, and a bully. I didn’t know how to change that, to make him know just how wanted and wonderful he was in my life and in Rafe’s.
“I meant what I said that night in the woods. You have one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever seen, Kane Creed,” I told him sternly, hopefully, “so fucking big that you sacrificed yourself to Viktor’s courtyard to ensure your little brother’s safety. Pain isn’t a contest, but you sure as hell saved Thorne from a lot of it, and I’m positive that even before Viktor’s and after, you did the same thing.”
A glassy sheen overtook his gaze and he looked away, out the window. I’d never quite seen him fractured like that, like he truly couldn’t fathom being a hero in any story.
“He would be proud—” I tried, but his fist came down on the steering wheel, and I snapped my mouth shut.
Kane visibly shuddered before he ripped open his door. “Going for a walk,” he pushed out before he slammed the door behind him so hard it shook the entire car. He lit another cigarette in seconds, having to strike the lighter over and over with how badly he was trembling.
Rafe jolted upward and scanned around for a threat. I wanted so badly to go after Kane, but I knew better than to push him. He would cool off. He just needed his space, and he’d come back. He always did.
Except for when he killed sixty-seven innocent people.
I cursed under my breath and nodded at Rafe, the two of us exchanging a worried but knowing look as we exited the car. We jogged to catch up to Kane, the two of us matching our strides to his angry ones. We kept him between us, his cigarette burning away in his hand but he wasn’t bringing it to his mouth. He was just narrowed on the rest stop building, charging toward thenearest wall before he rammed his fist into it with a shout of pure rage. Blood splattered outward from his knuckles, the veins along his neck standing out. Rafe immediately stepped in the way before he could break his hand with a second punch, taking the hit to his chest, and I just…launched forward, embracing him, pinning his arms down.
I don’t know what was going through my head. I guess I thought that maybe I could contain that anger somehow if I just held Kane tight enough. So I did. I burrowed my face against his bicep, my arms wrapped tightly around him. He managed to jerk free an arm, still fighting how he truly felt, not letting himself feel his loss. Rafe took the punches without so much as a flinch, and after the sixth, a hard shout of pain finally left Kane. He collapsed forward into Rafe, my eyes burning as he yelled into Rafe’s shoulder. Rafe brought his arms up around mine, the two of us bracing Kane between us when he broke utterly and completely. He screamed and sobbed and begged, my tears joining his at his words—“Less than eight minutes.Eight fucking minutes. One fucking bullet! I don’t—I don’t understand. It doesn’t make sense. I spent the lasteight yearstrying to die sowhyam I still here and he isn’t? WHY? Please give him back.Please. What death is worthy enough to see him again? I’ll do it. All of it. A hundred times. Just—please.Give my baby brother back.I can’t do this anymore. I-I can’t. I don’t deserve to be free.Whydid you set me free? I’m fucking guilty, Arden!”
I hadn’t realized he was talking to me until then. I tugged back, my eyes wide. “Kane…”
“No!” he yelled at me. “I killed them. Don’t you get that? And her. I still want tokillher. I’m fucked in the head. I don’t have a Rafe anymore, Arden. You have each other, but I had Thorne, and without him, I’m a fucking miserable human being. I can’t breathe; I can’t think—all I know is this fucking thing in my chest that’s killing me without killing me.” He beat his fist overhis chest, tears dripping from his chin. “I’m a killer that can’t be killed, and I should be locked up, for everyone’s sake.”
“You weren’t yourself,” I said hoarsely, not completely understanding but knowing without a doubt that he was wrong. “None of us were that day. You’re a man who made a mistake, a really bad one, but you don’t have to let that define you, Kane. Give yourself the chance to redeem yourself. Do right by those lives by protecting others.”
“Give myself a chance? Arden, I don’t deserve a chance. I massacred an entire room of people, and the sickening part is that a piece of me knew they were innocent, no matter how far I’d dissociated. It keeps coming back in flashes—how they screamed and pleaded with me. Grandparents and mothers and fathers.” He shoved Rafe and I off him and took several steps back, shaking his head.Go. Get out of here,he signed. He ripped his phone from his pocket and threw it at us. Rafe caught it, a pained sound leaving him as he shoved a finger down to end an on-going call.
911.
I whipped around at the sound of approaching sirens before I crossed to Kane and grabbed his and Rafe’s wrists, dragging them toward the car, but Kane wouldn’t fucking budge. My chin trembled, and Rafe was distraught too.
“Ican’t,” Kane said again firmly. He wiped his eyes before he pressed a hand over his heart and looked between us desperately. “I’m…They’re coming for me, and they’ll take me, and that’s okay. I’ll be where I belong. I can’t control it like I used to, alright? At least in prison, the only thing I hurt was myself.”
“Kane, get in the fucking car,” I argued through angry tears.
His own chin trembled before he closed the distance and grasped my head. He pressed a firm kiss to my forehead, then turned to Rafe and clasped a hand around the back of his neck,touching his forehead to Rafe’s. Then he signed with finality,Get her out of here, man. Now.
Rafe tugged on me.
“No!” I shouted, even as the sirens got closer. Rafe swept an arm around me and plucked me from the asphalt. I struggled against him. “Kane,please.”
But he had his back to us. It was the last time I’d see Kane Creed making a choice for himself for a really long time—him dropping to his knees in that rest stop, lighting up a final cigarette and sticking it between his lips as Rafe drove us at full speed away. Kane lifted his hands, red and blue flashing around the bend, his green eyes infinitely cold, smoke twining around his angry face in the moonlight. I sobbed as we drove away, Rafe gripping the wheel, his own eyes red-rimmed.
A few hours later at a gas station, we caught sight of the news.
