“It’s not regular.”
“You didn’t smoke when we met.”
“I didn’t smoke at all.”
“Then?”
He smiled, his eyes going far away into the distance — “In SFF, I was the good boy.”
She snorted.
He gave her a look. “They all smoked, even Atharva did. Then after a few months, their habits rubbed off on me too. It was like passing some rite of passage…” his eyes went soft, and into the distance again. “When everything happened… after our Gurez mission and capture and everything, smoking became like a crutch. I smoked for years constantly after that. Then when I came to work with Atharva here, I gave up.”
“And you started again when things started to go downhill at KDP?”
“Hmm.”
“Can you stop now?”
“I can stop.”
“Like, I know I threw it, but it’s usually weaning off it… are you doing that?”
“I can stop smoking today.”
Her eyes widened. “And not have withdrawal symptoms?”
“I will have them, but I will get over them.”
Amaal stared at this man. Sometimes she saw how emotionally stuntedhe was, unable to carry the weight of so much grey in this life. And then she would hear him say something like this, and wonder if she even knew him.
“Will you stop?”
Samar turned bodily towards her — “Yes.”
Amaal grabbed the back of his neck and stamped her mouth on his. He inhaled, his hands going to the back of her head, grabbing her ponytail. She pushed her tongue through his mouth and he stabbed back at hers, his teeth nipping at her lip. Enough to pierce a smidge deeper, but not bleed.
She clenched all over.
“Samar…” She panted on his mouth.
“Drive.”
“What?”
He deposited her back into the driving seat. “Drive, Amaal.”
That command did something to her. She wanted to argue. Wanted to kiss him again. Wanted to do something more. But she set both hands on the steering wheel, took a deep breath, and eased the car back onto the road.
“Take a right from here.”
She turned, seeing the milestone announcing that they were leaving the main city boundaries. The street lamps went scarcer and suddenly a beacon of lights popped ahead. “Is that an army check post… no, it’s Srinagar Police.”
“Turn aroun…”
She accelerated by mistake and he cursed. “What? Why?” She took her foot off the accelerator.
“There’s cash in the car.”
