“What?” She snapped, knowing something she didn’t like was coming.
“The baby was not mine.”
Amaal froze.
“But… you said…” she stammered. “You… Chaturvedi and her baby you said, you said…”
“I did not say anything, you assumed.”
“And you let me.” Her temper rose.
He gave a nod.
She opened her mouth but he beat her to it — “Listen to me before you draw any conclusions.”
Amaal was angry, but she also knew how sensitive this topic was for him. That he was talking to her about it without falling into an emotional seizure was a win. But she still held her own, crossing her arms across her chest.
“Sia Chaturvedi was happily married to Avneesh Chaturvedi. He worked in Rakesh Sarabhai Space Research.”
“And you did not… you did not…” Her hands fell down to her sides. “Love her?”
“I was not in love with her.”
“How is that different?”
“Everybody just assumed later on, that I must have harboured strong feelings for her because I went crazy to get her back, and then just… stopped functioning when she was gone. Even Atharva thought I was in love with her.”
“But you weren’t.”
“Before we were captured, I was very impressed by her fearless spirit and her grit. Where I come from, women don’t become pilots and chew tobacco to win a bet and bottom up tequila until their opponent drops dead. She did it all, and even told us about her Bollywood love story with Avneesh. In captivity though… something different snapped in place between us. It’s a different kind of bond. You don’t talk much, but in torture, when you do not look away from each other’s eyes, do not break, draw strength from each other’s grit when the breaking point comes, and fly out of your own body to keep from giving up… it does something. That happened between Chaturvedi and me.” He swallowed, his eyes not leaving hers. Amaal felt goosebumps erupt all over her arms.
“She did not know she was pregnant when we were captured. We discovered that together there. And she wanted to get out. More than anything she wanted to get out for that baby and I wanted her to get out. But I got to run and she didn’t. I got to take forces back for her rescue and I failed at that. And then, after her passing, within a year her husband remarried.” Samar scoffed. “I got to keep her memory because she did not deserve to be wiped out. And Aamir Haider sure as hell did not get to go back home and live his cushy life after wiping her and her baby out.”
Amaal stared at this man, who had adopted a woman and her baby into his memory. What was this fortress that kept opening its doors and she kept venturing deeper and deeper and finding skeletons she could not even dislike anymore?
“You do not break myths about you.” She stepped towards him.
“I do not like talking.”
“Then what do you like?”
“Doing.”
Amaal kept walking until she stood toe to toe with him, the top of her head hitting his chin. He tipped it down, and the bristles of his stubble tickled the skin of her forehead. She raised her face, only for his nose and mouth to press into her eyebrow. Their eyes fell closed.
“If given a choice in life, what would you do differently, Samar?”
“I would not leave Chaturvedi there.”
“And Iram?”
“If I had not left Chaturvedi there, I would be dead already. Iram would not have suffered.”
“You still regret it?”
“Every day.”
“What would make you not regret it?”
