Every remaining wall closed in on him.
“In return for Iram.”
“I did not…” Samar looked up.
“Don’t deny it, Dr. Dang. I am now in contact with your militia leader.”
Faris?But he had spoken to Faris only two hours ago… or how long had it been?
The floor began to vibrate beneath his feet. The one thing he had under his control… His throat dried up. His head began to feel woozy again. How long had it been since he had water? Before he lost control, Samar let himself sink down on the bed.
“On that night when I went after her,” Atharva advanced on him, “only you knew our location. How is it that in a matter of minutes we were found by Sheikh’s men even when I had covered all our tracks? You want me to believe they found us without any tracks, without any light, in a thick, ice-covered forest? In just twenty-six minutes?”
“It is not exactly how you think…”
“You did that to a woman who came under our shelter? She was a KDP employee, our responsibility.”
Samar opened his mouth but he lifted his hand — “How do you live with yourself?”
“Because my intentions weren’t…”
“You threw her to the dogs to get raped!” Atharva bellowed. “You were a doctor. A soldier. You were meant to heal even the enemy if need be. I didn’t know your hatred for Aamir Haider would run so deep it would destroy every bit of human inside you.”
“I didn’t do it for my vendetta. Damn you, Atharva, I did it for you!” Samar roared, putting his specs back on and shooting to his feet. “I never meant for her to go through that. You think I am a monster? I was only looking out for you. For KDP. You were so blinded by her that you had lost sight of what was important. I declined Sufiyaan every time he came to me. Every time. He came thrice. I said no every single time. I wouldn’t let him near her. But that last night in Leh, you were edging on madness. And I thought… I thought maybe if Sufiyaan Sheikh and Sayyid Butt talked to Iram, convinced her to go to her father’s party… then maybe you would start looking at yours again! All I did was inform Sufiyaan Sheikh that you had left her alone in Leh. He had the time and space to approach her.”
“Are you naive or are you purposefully trying to act it? Because the Samar Dixit I know reads people like this,” he snapped his fingers. “You gave Iram into the hands of that beast, knowing he had raped and killed his way through innocent women!”
“She was like a sister to him, he said so himse…”
“Fuck you!”
“Atha…”
“Fuck you, Samar! And fuck your lies.”
“They are not lies!” He stepped up into his face. “Whatever I felt feasible at that time I did! I did it to save us.! Look how you destroyed your hard-earned reputation in just one confrontation with that police officer. All because of her! Atharva, I tried to drill into your head that you, your persona, your life is not bloody yours. It is a hard-built illusion of so many of us. Day in and day out we work so thatyouare made into this hero, this leader, the CM Kashmir wants. Your media team, your PR, the financiers, party workers, we — the core team. We all do it. We make you. And I wasn’t about to let our work of years go down the drain with one girl’s interference.”
“Now we are talking,” he clipped. “I didn’t know you and everyone else took credit for my life.”
Samar swallowed, shaking his head. “I never intended to put her through that. It was only meant to be a conversation. He would convince her to come to her father’s party. That’s it! I didn’t even know he was going to take her from that train. I didn’t know she wasonthat train until her friend came running to me with your message! It was too late then, I couldn’t backstab him or he was ready to kill you. His men were already near you. Mine were nowhere close. I made a deal with him, your life for Iram. Why do you think they left you alive?”
“Because he couldn’t afford to take me out just after tipping sympathies in his favour! You fool!”
Samar recoiled.
“He made a barter where he was already getting what he wanted and doing what he was supposed to do!”
“It still kept you on your feet!”
“Rationalising every mistake of yours was ok until it was only the two of us. I kept forgiving everything you did, always, always thinking about what you had gone through. But this, this is unforgivable. What you did to her. What you did to Adil.”
Desperation was an emotion that hit you out of nowhere, and reminded you of how helpless you could be for somebody. It hit him now, and made him ready to reduce to the thirsty, delirious man ready to run back across for Chaturvedi. It made him 4 years old again, crying because everybody else was crying in the house as his mother was carried away on a plank, four shoulders, red shawl, flowers.
“I am sorry,” Samar cried without crying. Atharva was the only tree he could hold onto. In any season. If this went…
“You wouldn’t believe me now. But I am truly sorry for what happened. I regret it, and I admit I made a mistake in trusting Sufiyaan Sheikh,” Samar beseeched. “For all the grudges I hold, I wouldn’t do that to her. You know I wouldn’t.”
Atharva stepped back.
