Rowan bought this apartment especially for Hannah, wanting her to have a safe place to live until we can move her to his place, but right now, that just feels like another secret with the potential to break us.
The things we’ve done to keep her safe, to make sure she was happy and cared for, have definitely crossed lines over the years, and if she finds out before the time is right, I fear she’ll run a lot further than she has tonight.
I trail after her and watch as she carefully lowers herself onto the couch, wincing slightly when the backs of her thighs make contact with the fabric.
Ordinarily, I would have rubbed some cream into the affected areas to ensure the bruising and pain don’t linger too long, but she ran out before I had a chance, and it feels risky to mention it when I’m already on thin ice.
Hannah pulls her legs up against her chest and rests her chin on her knees, a position she favors in times of anxiety or stress.
A stray tear falls against her cheek, and it takes everything I have to take a seat beside her rather than lift her into my arms and hold her against my chest where she belongs.
“Hannah,” I murmur.
“Just say whatever it is you need to say and then get out.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
HANNAH
The words burn as they tumble from my lips.
Not a single part of me wants Asher to leave, but I need to stay firm on this. I’ve spent most of my life being walked all over, and I refuse to let anyone else treat me like less than.
He flinches, pressing his eyes closed for a long moment, likely considering whether he wants to tell me the truth or not.
You see, this isn’t my first rodeo. I’ve been lied to over and over, kept in the dark, used when it’s convenient, and ignored when it’s not. I know this dance better than any other. I just hoped Asher wouldn’t be like everyone else has been.
I hoped he was different, but just like always, my hopeful heart is going to be my downfall all over again.
It’s hard not to think that it’s me when every single person I let get close hurts me with such little regard, but I guess I’ll never be short on things to talk about at therapy each month.
Abandonment issues are kind of my jam at this point.
“It’s not my place to give you the answers you want, Hannah.” He finally breaks the silence.
I half laugh, but it’s devoid of humor. “So it was your place to let him fuck me, but not to tell me his name? Noted.”
“Hannah—”
“No, Ash. This is bullshit. We shared something in that room. Or at least I thought we did. Obviously, I was imagining it if neither of you can respect me enough to give me something.Anything.”
I choke on the emotions clogging my throat. The need to flee is strong, but I force myself to remain rooted in place, a feat that the Hannah of a few years ago never would have accomplished.
“I know,” he whispers. He reaches over, his hand hovering between us for a beat as he waits for me to pull away, but when I don’t, he wraps his calloused fingers around my ankle. “This is a fucked-up situation, but I’m asking you to trust me, Han. You know me better than almost anyone else. Trust me to tell you everything once the time is right.”
Tears leak from the corners of my eyes, and I finally give in to the temptation to bury my face out of view, allowing a strangled sob to escape.
“I don’t know if I can,” I whisper, my chest cracking at the idea of ending this.
For the first time in my life, I feel love and belonging. I don’t feel like the unwanted child, or the pity friend, or the girl that people keep around for her family connections. I genuinely feel like I’ve found my place in the world.
But I won’t let my need to feel wanted be my downfall again.
One second, I’m sobbing into my knees, and the next I’m in strong, warm arms.
There’s something about the way Asher moves me around with ease that has my heart beating hard in my chest for an entirely different reason.
His pants brush against the tender skin of my ass, and I can’t help but hiss out a breath. I still smell of sex, not having been able to bring myself to shower off their scents when my heart already felt so raw.
