She hands me the bottle, and I take a sip.
Breathing in the fresh air scented with cut grass, flowers, and the water, I hold it in my lungs for a moment before I answer. Wondering how much I should reveal to her when she’s always so quick to believe I’m lying. “I much prefer to spend my time outdoors, if at all possible.”
“How come?”
I swallow thickly as years of memories cascade through my head, some good, some bad, until I land on one. The one that always comes up when I’m in places like this and that always draws a smile across my face. “My dad used to take me camping when I was little. It was our bonding time. The only real time I got with him.”
“How come?”
“He was in the military. Deployed a lot. Then he went into foreign service and was busy at the various consulates. So, when I did get to spend time with him, it was extra special.”
Bishop offers me a sympathetic look, and I know she’s moving around the various pieces of information she has about me and adding this new stuff to it, trying to create a clearer picture. “I’m with my dad, and basically the rest of my family, every day. Always have been.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“No, just…” She twirls one of her long braids around her finger as she considers her response. “We have a very complicated relationship. Not just me and my dad, but all of us Hawkes. And it only seems to get more complicated as the years progress.”
“What makes it complicated?”
She shrugs. “Life, I guess. We grew up. We have different lives, different experiences and priorities.”
Something dark passes over her eyes, and I push up until I’m fully sitting and tilt her chin toward me until she’s forced to meet my gaze.
“No matter how complicated your relationship with them might be, I know for a fact that they all love you and appreciate what you do for them.”
“How could you possibly know that?”
“Because I’ve seen them in the club and at the opening. I’ve seen the way not only your family members, but all the employees, look to you. They know who always has their backs and best interests at heart.”
For a second, Bishop appears ready to argue with me, but I brush my thumb across her bottom lip slowly, and instead of looking away like I expect her to, or pulling free of my hold, her eyes stay locked with mine.
“You can’t be everyone’s savior all the time. Bishop.” The words burn coming out of my mouth, old pain laced with new. When they were said to me, I was lying in a hospital bed, trying desperately to get out of it, to get back to work, to my team. I didn’t want to hear those words, and neither does she. “You know that, right?”
She tries to look away, but I hold her chin firm, making her gaze stay locked with mine.
Unshed tears shimmer there, and that’s when I know I’ve hit a nerve.
I’ve said exactly what she needed to hear but also didn’t want to.
That bottom lip of hers quivers. “You say that like you know from personal experience.”
More memories flood my head. Mistakes of the past. Things I wish I had done differently. Things that would have changed so much for so many people.
“I do. I lost a lot of good friends over the years.”
“Deployments?”
I give a sharp nod, willing those memories to go back and stay buried where they belong. This isn’t about my past or what I lost, it’s about what she will lose—herself—if something doesn’t give. “Sometimes, bad things happen to good people, and there’s nothing we can do about it.”
“But—”
I press my thumb across her lips again, mesmerized by how soft and kissable they are. “I worry about you…”
God knows I do it far too much.
It’s a complication I never wanted. But I never saw her coming. Never expected to be hit square in the chest with this feeling the first time I saw her at the club.
Like we were kindred spirits.
