But that would be too easy a way out for him.
I want him to suffer.
Brushing past him without even looking him in the eye, I tug open the door.
“Bishop, stop!” Mom’s voice cuts through the fog of anger and hurt. “Where are you going?”
I have to leave before this sob tears from my throat.
Because I refuse to let him see me cry.
I refuse to let him see me fall apart—again.
“Anywhere but here.”
23
GAGE
Of all the things I imagined happening after coming clean with the Hawkes, none of them involved spending the day locked up in the penthouse, walking through every fucking second of every fucking day of my life since I first heard their name and reviewing every detail I know about McDonald and Satriano with them.
It was more intense than any debriefing I ever had after any mission for the Rangers or the CIA.
And more emotionally exhausting.
Though, I should count my blessings.
Considering the type of betrayal they felt, I anticipated a much more painful confrontation.
I would have deserved it, too.
But once Saint and Stone made a few calls and were able to confirm at least part of my story with some of their contacts, the too tight cuffs came off and the only pain became the memory of the look of betrayal in Bishop’s eyes.
The rage she threw at me as she fled from the condo.
The absolute, utter devastation she tried so hard to hide behind that I could read from a goddamn mile away.
Before today, before her, I never would’ve believed it possible to watch all love, light, and hope vanish completely from someone’s eyes.
To see it all disappear only to be replaced by something vacant and stone cold.
But that’s exactly what happened.
And even after spending almost six hours debriefing with them, discussing potential next moves, offering what I know to help them finally rid themselves of Satriano, I still don’t have anything even close to an answer about how to apologize to her.
We never broached the subject. If anything, they seemed reluctant to bring up what I did to her, either because they feared I would break down or they didn’t trust themselves not to beat the shit out of me before they got the information they wanted.
Whatever the reason for the reprieve, it’s gone now.
There isn’t anything left to discuss tonight, nothing more to be done.
The Hawkes need to decide what they want to do with the information I gave them, and I have to go back to doing my job—tracking down McDonald and Satriano before they can hurt anyone else.
They both pose a tremendous danger to more than just this family, and while my loyalties lie with the Hawkes—despite what certain members may think—I also have a duty to complete my mission.
I may be the only person who will be able to lure McDonald out into the open, and that will likely be the only reason I don’t get fired or worse for revealing so much classified information.
But I didn’t have a choice.
