“Tally? Did I lose you? Did your Bluetooth disconnect? You really need to get a new car, you know.”
“First of all, you’re right about the car. I hate this old clunker. But it wasn’t that. I’m just…in shock. I thought you weren’t going to see him unless you got the job.” She gasps. “Wait, does that mean you got it? Oh my gosh, congratulations!”
I wince at her enthusiasm. Talia’s always been my biggest cheerleader. “Uh, thank you, but no, I did not get the job. If anything, I got harassed by the guy they sent to wow me.”
“What?!” She screeches so loudly I have to pull the phone away from my ear. “—fucking kidding me?” she’s saying when I put it back. “Give me the asshole’s name. I’ll take care of him right quick.”
I laugh, and I realize it’s the first time I’ve done so genuinely since I came to Washington. Leave it to Talia to make it happen. She’s always had a way of breaking through whatever shit I have going on.
“Calm down. No need to go all mama bear on me.”
“Um, yes, there is. Remember when you were in London, and your boss at the paper was being a total wanker? Who was it that got him fired again?”
I giggle just thinking about it. “You, my amazing queen. Even though you really didn’t have to gothathard with it.”
“Girl, he was cheating on his wife, with whom he hadthreekids. I absolutely did. Besides, if he didn’t want to be found out, maybe he should have hidden his face in his dating profile pictures. Or, you know, not made the money he was stealing so easy to trace.”
When I told her my former employer wouldn’t allow me to cover a story on a men’s football game because I “didn’t have the right equipment in my trousers,” she went full scorched earth and aired all his dirty laundry, leading to his removal as CEO. IfTalia weren’t so set on staying in Tennessee, she’d make a damn good FBI agent.
“Are you sure you’re good?” she asks.
I nod even though she can’t see me. “Yes. It’s been handled. Plus, the paper is letting me stay in this swanky hotel on their dime, hoping I’ll come around, but I don’t plan to. I am not working for a company that employs people like that.”
“And you shouldn’t have to. I’m proud of you. But you know I’m here for you no matter what.”
“I know, and it’s exactly why I love you.”
“Hmm, right.Somuch that you went to see your estranged husband without consulting me first?”
The look on Callum’s face as I walked out of his apartment flashes through my mind, and not for the first time since I left. It’s all I thought of as I walked back to my hotel, which is surprisingly close to his place, and again as I crawled into the too-hard bed and put the pillow over my face. It was all I could think to do to try to rid myself of the tidal wave of emotions attacking me.
I knew going to his apartment would bring up all kinds of feelings. I just never expected unease would be one of them. I felt it from the moment I knocked on his door, and it only got worse when he opened it.
It wasn’t because I didn’t want to see him—of course I did—it was because for the first time, I wasn’t sure how to act around him. I haven’t felt that flustered since he sat next to me in creative writing. I remember how my cheeks would get hot, and I’d shake with the anticipation of seeing him. It never mattered if we talked or not. I just wanted to benearhim.
I felt an inkling of that today, too, even if it was awkward. And it made me realize just how far we’ve let our relationship fall away from us, and I don’t just mean over the last three years we’ve been separated. It started before then. Our conversationsgrew stilted. We chose our words more carefully. We stopped beingus.
“So how was it?” Talia asks, pulling my attention back to our phone call.
“Uh, it was…strange.”
“Well, yeah, I bet it was. You haven’t seen him in the flesh since, what, when you left for London, right?”
“Yeah, not since then.”
The lie is tangy on my tongue. Callum might not have seen me since then, but I’ve seen him. Sure, it’s been from the stands in various arenas across North America, but it still counts. Any time he came to a city near wherever I was at the time, I made a point to go to his games. We might not have been on the best of terms, but I still wanted to be there for him.
And selfishly, I wanted to see if he still gave me the same butterflies as before. He did, and they’ve always left me feeling just as confused as I was the day I told him I wouldn’t be coming to Seattle with him and I’d be staying in London.
It was the first time in my life I had a say in where I went. My college was picked for me, based on what my parents could afford. Then, when Callum and I got married, everything was about his career. I understood it. I accepted it. He had worked his entire life to get to the NHL, and I wanted that for him.
I just wasn’t sure I wanted it for me anymore.
“So…is he still hot? I mean, in person. I see him on TV all the time.”
I laugh, becauseof coursethat’s what Talia asks about.
“Yes.”
