“Huh?”
“About that guy she showed up with. Do you believe it wasn’t a date?”
At first, I didn’t. I thought she was just trying to save face because she got caught, but after hearing her out, I don’t think that’s the case anymore.
“I do.”
“Good,” Stefan says. “I believe her, too. That’s not the Chloe I know, the one who threw me the best thirteenth birthday party there ever was. She recreatedJudge Judy, Cal. That was fucking incredible.”
I think back on the memory. It didn’t take much for Chloe to become part of my family. Though my parents thought we were nuts for wanting to get married so young, they trusted me to make the best decision for my future and loved her with every fiber of their being. They accepted her instantly, and one book on LSAT prep later, she became my brother’s favorite person.
Though he’s as upset with Chloe as I am about her leaving, it’s always been obvious he misses her as much as I do.
“You wouldn’t stop banging that damn gavel and kicking people out of the ‘courtroom.’ You were such an annoying little twerp.”
“Yeah, well, I still am.”
I grin, then realize I have no reason to be smiling right now, not when I just let my wife walk away from me yet again. She says she wants to have coffee, but is that true? Will this have been the last time I see her? Or if we do sit down and have coffee, what’s that going to look like? Will it be as awkward as it was having her here? I don’t fucking know.
As if Stefan can sense I’m getting stuck in my own head again, he says, “So, what’s the plan?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what’s the next step? You’re going to meet for coffee, right? You want to, yes?”
“Yes,” I tell him honestly, not having to think about it for even a second. I don’t care how uncomfortable it felt having her in my apartment. I’d endure a thousand awkward hours with her, just as long as she’s around. That’s all I’ve ever wanted—her to be there.
“Good,” he says again. “I think that’s a good plan. Start small and in public so things can’t get too out of hand.”
“Jeez, Stef. It’s not like I’m planning to unload on her.”
“No, but it’s clear you’re struggling with your feelings toward her. And you’ve been bottling them up for, what, three years now? You’ve got some shit to work through. A short chat with other people around might be for the best.”
He’s not entirely wrong. I’ve not reacted the best the two times I’ve seen her in the last twelve or so hours. I could use the safety net to keep me in check.
“What was it like?” he asks quietly when I don’t say anything for a few moments.
“What was what like?”
“Seeing her again, Cal. What was it like?”
Fuck. How do I explain it to him? That it was like someone stealing your favorite sweater, then giving it back a few years later? Or like getting up to the window at the drive-thru and finding out the person in front of you paid for your order? Or winning a championship you’ve been after your whole life? Because it was better than all of those. So much more than I could have imagined.
“Everything, Stef. It was everything.”
I swear I can hear him smile through the phone. “You’re still so in love with her.”
I don’t deny it. I never have, and I’m not about to now. But I’m also not going to offer up that info to just anyone, especially not Chloe. Not until I know what’s happening with us. Not until I know I can trust her again. Not until I know she’s still mine.
“Thanks for letting me freak out on you.”
My little brother laughs. “Anytime. You know that. I’m always here.”
“I know. Appreciate it. And, Stefan?”
“Yeah, man?”
“You should really apologize to that girl. She didn’t deserve that.”
