I can’t bring myself to say her name, so I don’t.
“Fuck, with this whole situation. It’s been a lot to deal with, and I know I’ve been an asshole to all of you more times than I can count. I can’t believe you’re still sitting here with me right now, but…I don’t know. Thanks, you know. Thanks for putting up with my shit. For putting up with me. And for being there, too. Just…thanks.”
Nobody moves. Nobody says a word. It’s just dead silence hanging between us. I wish I could take it all back with the way they’re currently staring at me, like I’ve gone and grown an extra limb or some shit.
Then someone moves. I sit up straight, looking Lawson right in the eye.
“Even me?” he asks.
“What?”
“Even me?” he repeats. “Do you love even me?”
His lips twitch before he’s able to get the question fully out.
Mine involuntarily do the same. “Yeah, even you,Lawless.”
He faints—or at least pretends to—and Hutch catches him with an eye roll before he can hit the ground.
“Shut up,” I grumble, already back to being annoyed with him.
Locke and Hayes laugh, helping our captain set Lawson back up straight as he is still annoyingly pretending to be all weepy.
“Can we please group-hug now?” Fox asks.
I chuckle, and it feels so foreign. I haven’t laughed at all since Chloe walked away again. I wasn’t sure I ever would. “Yeah, we can group-hug.”
They all move toward me at once, and I hold my hand up, stopping them.
“But just this one time, okay? This does not, at all, give anyone permission to touch me otherwise, understand? I know where each of you sleeps and will make it look like an accident when I?—”
But I don’t get the rest of my threat out. I can’t. I now have several pairs of arms slung over my shoulders, and fuck if it doesn’t feel good. I have no idea how long they embrace me for, but it somehow feels like forever and not long enough, not that I’d ever tell them that.
One by one, they pull away, until it’s just Lawson left. His arms tighten around me, and maybe it’s just all the shit that’s been piling up lately, but I find myself letting him. Hell, I even sink against the guy. I might not know what’s happening with my marriage, but I do know without a doubt that this groupof guys? They’re not just teammates. They’re my family, and they’re here to stay forever, even if Chloe isn’t.
I opt for getting a ride home with Locke, not entirely trusting myself behind the wheel right now, and he doesn’t even ask me questions as we make the trek back to our building.
“Keller?” he says as I step out of the elevator.
“Yeah, man?”
“You’re going to be okay. I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but you will be. We’ll make sure of it.”
I don’t have the heart to tell him I don’t think I’ll ever be okay again, so instead I tell him good night, and I watch as the doors close. My footsteps feel heavy as I make my way down the hall to my apartment. Every stride weighs a thousand pounds, and the closer I get to my destination, the harder I have to force myself to move. I stop in front of the door, staring at the plain white wood and wishing I were anywhere else right now.
Just go inside, Callum. Walk inside. You can do this. You’re going to be okay.
I don’t believe the words, not really, but they give me just enough fuel to keep going. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, then I push the door open and walk into my empty apartment.
CHAPTER 24
CHLOE
Callum should have been home at least an hour ago, and I’ve been worried as hell about him ever since that fight.
It was tough to watch. The only other time I’ve seen him even close to that was in college, when he had that dirty cross-check on that asshole who made a comment about me. As soon as I saw him go after that Vegas player, I worried it may have happened again, but I refused to even go down that path.
It’s not about you, and even if it is, who cares? He loves you. It’s all that matters.
