I stop walking, lean against the wall and run my hand over my face.
The thing is, I’m not angry at the supplier or the kid or Rogue’s plumbing joke. I’m angry at myself for not being able to do the simple thing. For being the man who can negotiate a trade deal in hostile territory and manage four hundred people and take apart a problem down to its components, but who cannot walk up to a woman he’s crazy about and say three honest sentences.
It’s pathetic. I’m aware of that. Doesn’t help.
Vi passed through the neutral zone about an hour ago. I saw her from the second floor. She was with Mara, heading toward the work hub. She was wearing that shirt again, the one that’s too big, her hair was up, and she was laughing at something Mara said. Not a big laugh. Just a real one. The kind that changes her whole face.
I watched her for about ten seconds before I made myself stop. Then I went and yelled at a kid over twelve missing units.
Classic dick move.
I push off the wall. I need to get my shit together and talk to Vi.
Tomorrow. Not today. Today, I’ve already done enough damage.
41
STING
Armen finds me that evening.
I’m in the Skylight Room, like always. Not looking at stars this time, just sitting at the table going through trade logs that don’t need going through because I already went through them this morning.
He walks in and closes the door. That’s how I know this isn’t casual. Armen doesn’t close doors unless he means to have a conversation that stays in the room.
“You read them.” It’s not a question.
I don’t look up. “Read what.”
“Don’t be a dick.”
His voice is calm, but there’s an edge to it I don’t hear often. The fact that he’s come to me like this means he’s been thinking about it for a while, and he’s about to kick my ass.
I set the trade log down and look at him.
“You’re right,” I say. “I read them.”
“All of them.”
“All of them.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“Jesus, Sting.” He leans back in his chair and runs his hand through his hair, which means I’m pushing him a little too hard.
I figure if I’m going to be an asshole, I don’t want to leave anybody out.
He continues. “You’ve been a nightmare for a week. You chewed out half the Rot today. Rogue thinks you’ve lost it. Vi thinks she’s losing you. And you’re sitting here reading trade logs you already read. So I’m asking you. What did you find?”
“Vi thinks she’s losing me?”
“That’s what you picked out of all this?”
“Answer the question,” I say.
“She came to me two days ago and asked what was going on with you. She’s confused. She’s worried. She handed you those papers, and you disappeared on her. She deserves to know why.”
