I swallowed harshly, feeling my body stiffen as I held onto his legs and nodded.
“You remember the cold?”
My jaw twitched, the muscles flexing as the memories made my bones ache.
He leaned in. “You remember the sounds of those gates closing? The locking of the door? The rattling of the bars as the other inmates tried to create all Hell around you?”
My nostrils flared as my breathing quickened.
“We’ve already lived half our lives, Drew. And you know what?” His eyes searched mine wildly, a small, almost devilish looking smirk creeping into his cheek. “I wouldn’t change a damn fucking thing. Not one. Not the beatings. Not the cold. Not the sounds of the gates, the door, the rattling… I’ve loved every second of my life so far. I’m gonna love every second I have left, whether that’s a day, a year, or a fucking century.”
“Not a chance, old man.” I smirked in return, even though I didn’t feel at all humorous. I felt deadly. I felt cold. I felt scared.
“Probably not.” He shrugged. “My point is, I’m happy. Please stop trying to change me.”
“I just want—”
“I know.” He cut me off, nodding with understanding. “I know.” Without a second thought, he wrapped his hand around the back of my head and pulled it to his chest… and I let him. I let him hold me as I pressed my ear to Harry’s chest and listened to the rattling there. I could hear his heart, big and strong, pounding against the tight wheezing of his chest. We stayed that way for a while before I lifted my arms and embraced him in a hug that was rare for the two of us but needed.
That was the thing about our family.
We were hard to the outside world.
But once on the inside, we were soft as shit, willing to bend and become whatever we needed to be whenever they needed us to be it. We were Hounds, but we weren’t all about the roaring and the howling. We whimpered for each other, too. We stayed tight. I loved him… and whether it was the event coming up in just a few days time or not, I didn’t know, but I suddenly wasn’t sure which ones of us were going to make it anymore, and which ones weren’t.
And that scared the living shit out of me.
The week wore on. Everyone was getting ready for the big night on Friday. What was going to be disguised as Tate’s belated sixteenth birthday party was, in fact, a ploy to draw out Jacob and all Tate’s teammates in the hope that we could entice Jacob’s Nav friend out into the moonlight, while also getting a glimpse at every boy and man from Babylon High, and how they reacted around Sloane.
Howard had been present in the school all week, as had two of his men. Tate and Sloane, much to theirs and Libby’s protests, had gone along with the plan for them to be seen as a couple, once again, to the majority of Babylon. They’d gone to classes holding hands. They’d gone to Rusty’s after school to eat waffles and ice cream while Ayda served them with a not-at-all-worried smile. Our efforts to portray a breezy life to everyone that might be watching us were award winning. EvenI was playing the doting Prince Charming to my Ayda every time we walked through Babylon together, or I pushed through the door of Rusty’s.
Ayda could have won an Oscar for her performance. She told me while we had a few minutes alone that it wasn’t an act, it was just pushing that doubt to the back while she focused on the promise of tomorrow I’d planted in her mind. Her performances weren’t all for me, though. Even when Tate and Sloane were in Rusty’s, she doted over the couple as though they were always meant to be together. No matter what was put in front of her, what was asked of her, she did without question, and happily. There were only a couple of seconds of doubt on her cheerful face, and they were almost too fast to really pay attention to, but even Deeks had said they were concerning.
On the Thursday before the event we were holding on Friday, I was in my office, going over the plans in my own bubble of isolation. I wasn’t withdrawing, exactly… I just knew when I needed time to think and when I needed to be alone. Ayda, once again, shone, letting me go whenever I gave her a look that I couldn’t quite put into words.
It was Slater who pushed through my office door without knocking, forcing my attention to snap up.
“How you feeling?” he asked without fuss. It was what made him such a good Sarge for the club.
I leaned back in my chair, dropping my pen to the desk. “Cautious,” I answered.
“It’s just a birthday party.” He held his hands in the air as he walked forward. “That’s all it needs to be. There’re no guarantees the Nav will show.”
“He’ll show.”
“And Jacob?”
“He’ll definitely show.”
“What if…” He stopped himself as he sank into the seat opposite me, placing his hands on the desk and looking up at me through the thickness of his heavy brows. “This could go like last time, Tucker. I need to know, as your Sarge, that you’re going to do things differently this time.”
“Differently?”
“As in, you’re not going to enter any situations alone. You’re not going to leave Ayda alone. You’re not going to do anything…”
“... alone,” I finished for him. “No, captain. I’m not going to do anything alone.”
“And if the Navs show?”
