He’s still alive…
I opened and closed my mouth as a myriad of emotions paraded through my head and chest, not one of them matching, really only succeeding in making me feel even more stupid. What to do now? Did I apologize? That would make sense, but how the fuck did you apologize for giving the man you love’s father an early grave when he was alive and well? It sounded kind of lackluster. Useless.
The rush of blood pounding through my veins drowned out my inner monologue for only a moment before I finally sucked in a breath and looked around the small group we’d been talking to. Slater, the rat bastard, looked overly amused by my faux pas. Harry and Deeks just openly stared like I was a strange bug sat on their beer. Jedd… well, he at least had the decency to look sympathetic… and then there was Drew. His face was unreadable, his skin pale and his hypnotic blue-green eyes full of questions I’d suddenly lost the ability to read from him.I didn’t think he was pissed at me about this. He would have reacted by now if he had been. Then again, I wasn’t so sure.
“Jesus, I’m so fucking sorry… I just assumed—I mean, the way you talk about him, I…” I snapped my mouth shut and wanted to kick Slater in the nuts for tittering like a toddler into his whiskey. “I don’t know why I thought that he was dead, Drew. I’m so sorry.”
Drew, turning his back on everyone, spun on his stool until he was facing me completely, one hand dragging my own seat closer to his while his other hand rested on my cheek, creating a space where it was just the two of us. His eyes found mine, and he held them for a while.
“I don’t know why I thought you knew,” he whispered. “I thought…” He trailed off, his nostrils flaring as he closed his eyes and pulled in a deep breath.
I brought my hands up and cradled his cheeks, my forehead pressing against his as I fought the sting of tears that threatened to pool with embarrassment. “I’m a fucking idiot. I should have asked. I know better than that. Jesus, I’ve lived through it.”
I sucked in a breath, my eyelids slipping closed as the first tears of embarrassment slipped over the precipice and traveled quickly to my chin.
“I sure know how to put my foot in my mouth, huh?” I sniffed, letting my eyes flutter open, trying my best to ignore the uncomfortable shuffle of the men around us.
“Why are you crying,” he asked quietly, his thumb catching the path of stray tears.
“You want a list?” I asked with a huff of pained amusement. “I embarrassed you, and myself, and more thananything, I’m mad as hell at myself for being such a tool.”
“You’re fucking adorable when you’re dramatic.” He smirked. “Want to get out of here? Have this conversation somewhere where four hairy men aren’t pretending not to listen in?”
“Busted,” Slater grumbled somewhere behind him.
Pulling my head back so I could look at Drew’s eyes, I offered him the biggest smile I could manage. I’d never wanted to leave a room quite so desperately before… well, not a room filled with friends, anyway. As much as I loved those guys, they had absolutely no idea how to blend into the background at times like this.
“Yes, please,” I muttered, slipping back so he could get up from his stool and lead me out of the mess I’d once again managed to get myself into. Even through the horror of what I’d done, I still had a million and one questions about his life to ask him. So much had happened over the time we’d had together, I always forgot just how little we knew about one another’s pasts. We always seemed to be looking ahead, which wasn’t a bad thing, but it unfortunately didn’t stop moments like this from happening.
Grabbing my hand, Drew towed me to the front doors and out into the cool February night where the stars were starting to burst from the darkness. I sucked in a deep breath and let him lead me from the porch to where his bike was parked. Thinking better of the idea, he marched past and headed toward the end of the row where the van was parked.
The silence wasn’t uncomfortable, but it was loaded. I was starting to think he had just as many questions as I did, and once he’d closed my door and checked in the back, he slid in behind the wheel and plucked the keys out of the cup holderin the middle console. No one would dare steal the van from outside The Hut.
“You okay to drive?” I whispered, feeling the heat in my stomach from the whiskey.
He kept a flat smile on his face the whole time, one I knew was for my benefit, before he gave me a small nod, started up the van and began to reverse it out of its parking spot. “Trust me,” was all he said as he began to drive us out of the yard, flashing me a reassuring wink before he made the usual left turn that would take us through Babylon.
“Always,” I replied without hesitation. Drew was in a reflective mood, but he wasn’t upset or angry. Wherever he was taking us, our destination would be what the situation called for.
I watched as the darkness swallowed everything beyond the reach of the lights and studied the shapes that were subtly silhouetted against the midnight blue of the sky beyond. It wasn’t until the run of trees on my side of the road thinned a little that I realized where we were heading, and I turned to look back at Drew, my hand sliding over the bench seat of the van to squeeze his thigh.
We’d come to see Pete.
The big tree stood dark against the sky, its limbs all stretched out protecting the ground below while casting deep shadows over the trunk and grass. As the van came to a halt, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the beauty of the scene. The moment Drew pushed his door open, I followed him out and wandered toward the thick, sturdy trunk, even as Drew headed to the back of the van in that silent, thoughtful way of his.
I rested my hand on the rough bark when I finally got there and looked up into the canopy, smiling as the gentlebreeze rustled the bare branches as though in greeting. “Hey, Pete,” I whispered, flattening my palms against the tree. “You’re never going to believe what I went and did tonight.”
Drew followed a few steps behind me. I heard the thump of his bag as it hit the ground right before his arms wrapped around my waist and he stopped to rest his chin on my shoulder. “Turns out Aydaisworse than Slater.”
I let out a small laugh and nodded in agreement. “I just don’t have feet as big as his.”
“But that mouth,” Drew pushed out, making anoohsound under his breath.
I don’t know that I would ever be able to explain my reaction to this man, but my heart swelled in my chest and the love I felt for Drew wrapped around me, surging through my bloodstream. I pulled my hands from the tree, cupped his cheek and twisted my body so I was facing him, my head buried against his shoulder so all I could smell was leather and Drew. A smell that was the closest thing to home I knew I would ever have.
“I’m so sorry, Drew. I’m an idiot.”
He didn’t respond straight away, instead choosing to hold me while he did his usual thing of breathing in and out slowly. Gone were the days when he treated me with anything other than the tenderness he seemed to think I deserved. That meant he didn’t always react the way he would have done. He took his time these days. He thought before he acted. Or at least, he tried to. He was better at this relationship stuff than he realized.
