I stared at him, unable to blink or move or feel or react as my heart picked up pace and started to try and run out of my chest. He gave me time and let the silence suffocate us both.
“Ugly thing. Been around a while,” he eventually whispered.
“No.” I shook my head. “No, you don’t.”
“I do, son.”
“No…”
“Lungs. Spread to the liver. Stomach. Fucking everywhere. I shit blood. I piss blood. I cough blood.”
“No.”
“Stop saying that.Nodoesn’t change what I’m saying.Nodoesn’t turn a truth into a lie.Nodoesn’t make it any less real. I’ve got the cancer, Drew, and it’s eating me the hell up, better than a Hound Whore ever could.” His hands went tohis stomach, his fingers wiggling over it like they were the monsters that were attacking him. “It’s all black and shadows in there, kid. It’s all death. It’s evil, trying to take me out like an old, aging man. It wants me lying on a bed, coughing up blood and spitting out weakness untilitdecides when I’m ready to die.”
My mouth opened wide, the shock of the breath I inhaled making my whole body rock backward. Breathing hurt. It fucking hurt and tore me open, making everything I wanted to see bleed out until there was nothing left but silence between us.
“Die?” I managed to choke out. That one word: Die.
Harry.
ThenoI so desperately wanted to wail was held back, purely out of respect for him and everything he hadn’t yet said.
His eyes filled with more tears until one slipped, forcing him to strain the muscles in his jaw and swipe that tear away like it stung his cheek.
When he turned to me, I crumbled. Every ounce of composure I ever thought I’d had became shit as I looked into the eyes of the man who’d always been a father to me and let my tears fall.
“I’m so sorry I had to tell you like this,” he said with regret. “I’m so sorry I had to wait.”
“Harry…”
“... But I meant what I said to you, Drew. I wouldn’t change a damn thing about my life. I wouldn’t change a fucking thing. Being there for you has been a privilege. Being your road captain, being a part of this crew, watching you grow and sometimes bleed,” he said through a small huff ofair. “God, it’s been an honor.”
“Shut your mouth, Harry,” I snapped. “Just shut your fucking mouth. You’re not fucking dying.”
I was angry.
Angry. Angry. Fucking angry. So angry I felt like I could tear the roof of this car and throw it to the ground. So angry I felt like the blood was going to burst from my strained veins. So angry… I wanted to cry.
I wanted to fucking fall to my knees and wail. Cry. Weep. Become undone.
“You’re not fucking dying,” I told him firmly as I sniffed hard, swallowing my tears.
Harry stuck his tongue out, trapping it between his teeth and staring down at his thighs. “Let me go out like a Hound, Drew.”
“What?” I wheezed, frowning hard.
“Don’t let me die on a bed. Don’t let me become frail. Please…” He looked up, his face full of assurances and strength. “Don’t let me become all bone and bags. I don’t want to be hooked up to machines, pissing through tubes, being put to sleep just so I can listen to you all say your goodbyes over my rotting body.”
“Harry.” I growled. “Fucking stop. You’re not… You’re not…”
“I amdying,Drew!” he cried suddenly.
And it was then that I knew. I knew beyond all doubt that he wasn’t lying. I don’t think he even knew how to lie to me. My brother. My father. My road captain. My Harry.
“I’m fucking dying. And that’s okay. I’m ready. I’ve worn the reaper on my chest and on my back my whole life. I’m ready to meet that dark bastard and have some fun in theunderworld with him.”
I broke at the thought. My sob tore through me like I was a feral animal, ripping my chest open, making my mouth hang loose as the tears fell hard and fast, covering my face, my mouth, my chin my chest… my black fucking heart.
