The first tear fell freely, landing on the leather of his cut as I felt my chest fracture into a thousand pieces. Was it really just that morning that the blissful happiness had made me feel like nothing could touch me. Was it just that morning that my world finally came together and made sense?
I knew I needed to be stronger… for him. For the guys and for myself, but the first sob came regardless of what I knew I needed to do. It took everything in me to nod and step away, my fingers wiping the tears as I glanced up at him. My voice refused to work, so I whispered the words instead.
“I would do this for you. If you let me, I would do this for you. I love you more than you will ever know, Drew.”
“You think I don’t know?” he breathed, pulling me closer.
“You couldn’t possibly.” I sniffed and swiped at the tears now falling in a steady line down my cheeks.
He huffed out a pitiful laugh and pulled my face away from his body, holding it in the palms of his hands as he stared down into my eyes and sighed softly. Peacefully. Like he wasn’t just about to be taken away. “God damn it, Ayda, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to this club. They need you more than they need me. Look after them for me, if all our efforts to push past this fail and I don’t come back soon.”
“They’re my family, of course I’ll look after them, but you’re coming back, even if I have to sell every acre of my parents land to get you out.”
He nodded slowly, clearly hiding what he was going to say as he opened his mouth and quickly closed it again, instead pulling me closer and devouring me in a kiss.
We clung to one another almost desperately. His was a kiss that was full of goodbyes, while mine was a promise of hope, even if he didn’t believe that, but no matter what the intentions were, the underlying sentiment was the same. The kiss sang of our love and gave us something to hold onto. The moment we parted, I bit my lip, swallowed my sobs and looked over my shoulder at Sutton.
“I’m going to be down there later this morning, Howard,” I told him. “You better look after Drew until we get him out of there.”
“I’ll do my best. You know I will…” Sutton’s face scrunched up, his voice giving up on him and forcing him to angle his body away from mine. I knew he felt guilty. It was clear to see. Drew tried to put a stop to that by placing his arm around Sutton’s shoulder and pulling him closer.
“Let’s go, Chief.”
“I’m sorry,” Sutton choked out.
“Yeah,” Drew sighed. “Me, too.”
The two of them stood taller, staring at the door of The Hut until Drew looked back over his shoulder to find me.
“I’ll be home soon.” He winked, faking a certainty I knew he didn’t feel.
The sea of cuts seemed to step to the side as Sutton and Drew walked toward the door, while I stood alone, shaking and forcing back the body rocking sobs that were building like a storm inside of me.
I felt violent.
I felt desolate.
I felt fucking angry and sad and torn in two.
I rushed to the door the moment they disappeared through it, my hands gripping the porch rail once I was through to stop my momentum, even as the rest of the guys filed out behind me.
Deeks and Autumn flanked me, their arms circling my waist as I white-knuckled the railing, not quite able to say goodbye.
Chapter Forty-One
DREW
The noise behind me was the kind of noise I wouldn’t forget any time soon. I’d heard it before, years ago. The pain. The helplessness. The heartache. The despair. Only this time there was another voice in the middle of it all. Another desperate plea for me to do something that would reverse the situation. That voice—her sound—it made so much harder to walk away.
When we hit the gravel pathway, I stopped in my tracks and stared at the cruiser in front of me. Sutton stopped moving the same time I did, his face angling up to mine and studying it.
“Once upon a time, I dreamed of this moment,” he admitted quietly. The night skies were disappearing, turning to daylight, swallowed up by the hours we’d wasted in the station after the party. It was kind of beautiful and kind of tragic all at once. Just like my two worlds. Everything was colliding. All the good behind me, weeping and whispering my name. All the bad in front of me, waiting to whisk me away for who knew how long.
“I know you did.”
“Now it doesn’t seem so sweet.”
“That’s because you’ve lived on the outskirts of society,and now you know that we have more morals, more code of honor, and more loyalty than anyone out there beyond those gates.”
