“Speak to Bowie,” Kari replied with a heavy sigh.
“It is.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Bowie
On the plane, Bowie clutched at his chick and listened to his friends chattering, doing his best to hold back his tears. Something was wrong with Kari, but he didn’t know what. There was a difference in the way he was behaving. Yes, he was being caring and considerate, but when he looked at Bowie, his eyes were…empty of emotion? Yes, that was how it seemed to him. Bowie had seen this before. He knew what came next—rejection.
Doom and gloom are not going to fix this.
How can I fix anything when I’m not enough? I’m never enough.
You are enough. And see this right here—this is the problem—you don’t believe in yourself enough. Kari loves us—
Yes, but—
There are no buts. Your way of thinking has to change. Kari loves us. The only person not loving us is you.
Bowie clung a little tighter to his chick at the urge to say aloud that his animal side was wrong.
I’m not wrong. When those stupid people cast us out, you stopped believing you are lovable. Tell me I’m wrong?
He couldn’t because that was exactly what he believed.
Alright, you aren’t wrong.It was impossible to stop the sobbing going on in his head. He worked extra hard to make sure he didn’t lose control in front of everyone. Kari was sitting with his brothers, but still close enough that Bowie could smell his bodywash. If he lost it, Kari would want him to explain why, and he had no way of doing that without questioning what he’d done to upset Kari. After the years he’d spent building friendships, acting out was not the way to keep them when they’d become his substitute family.
“Do you think we will have to go into the office today?” Monty’s question caught Bowie’s attention. It was Friday, and Bowie assumed they would head straight to the office once they’d landed. There was no way Bowie could leave with Kari unless they were heading to the office. Otherwise, it would look odd and might cause speculation, the kind Kari wouldn’t want.
See, this is part of the problem. You haven’t asked what Kari wants and if you keep guessing, it’ll only make things worse.
His animal wasn’t wrong, but habits formed to protect himself were hard to break when the memories of his past never went away.
“’Cause we did all those extra hours, Booker said we get the afternoon free. I’m ready for some Emmy cuddles,”Frey answered excitedly.
“Do you think she missed you?” Bowie’s question got a head shake, and he lapsed into silence, not sure what else to say when he was feeling so weepy.
“She’s had the best time with Lane and Derick. I can tell with all the giggling in the mini videos Lane sent me.” Frey tugged out his phone, and they all gathered closer to watch the small screen as Frey hit play.
“What do you think, Monty?” Bowie turned his attention to Isley, frowning.
“Catch me up, I was thinking about what I could do with my free time.”
Wasn’t that what they had just been talking about, or had Bowie missed something?
Isley frowned at Monty. “That’s what we were talking about. Do you want to go to Frey’s to see Emmy? Maybe head to the park and try out the place Frey raves about that makes brownies?”
Monty nodded eagerly.
“As long as I get to taste the brownie you raved about last time!” Ziggy stated dramatically, making them all laugh, but for Bowie it was forced, recalling the horrible attack on Frey. “Then I’m in.”
Frey grinned sassily. “Good, because then we can talk about your… engagement!” Frey glanced in Monty’s direction. “And we can talk about you and—”
“Frey!” Monty hissed, giving Frey a warning look, one Bowie did not understand at all.
The conversation shifted back to Emmy and Frey played more of the tiny clips of video Lane had sent him. It kept Bowie’s thoughts off his own worries until the plane landed.
“Have you got your car here?” Lennon asked as he came to a stop next to Bowie, waiting for his suitcase to be removed from the cargo hold.
