A soft voice said, ‘Excuse me, but are you all right?’
No, not right at all.
Greer gripped the seat so hard her fingers shook as she tried to pull herself together. Breaking down in front of strangers was not her style. She managed a crumpled smile. ‘I’m f…’
But the wordfinejust wouldn’t come. Instead she felt a hot tear spill and run down her cheek, then another and another. Where was her self-control?
It had disappeared with her child and her dreams for the future.
She dragged in a shuddering breath that felt like knives slicing her lungs and forced herself to speak. ‘I lost a baby.’ She blinked, hearing the unexpected words.
Greer tore her gaze from the chuckling baby to stare bleary-eyed at the two children running around the clearing.
‘I’m so sorry.’
‘Thank you. It was a miscarriage.’ But the grief was still sharp enough to make her spill her woes to a stranger. ‘I don’t know why I’m blurting this out.’
‘I understand,’ said that gentle voice. ‘I lost two babies that way.’
Startled, Greer swung her head around to meet the other woman’s kind eyes. ‘I’m sorry. That must have been…’ She shook her head.
‘It was. I don’t think anyone understands how devastating it is to lose a child you’re nurturing in your own body unless it happens to them. But my husband was wonderful. It drew us closer. Talking to him kept me sane.’ She paused, reaching for the baby whose babbles grew louder. ‘I hope you have someone to talk with.’
Another sharp breath. ‘My…husband. But we haven’t really talked. I was too upset.’
‘Really?’ She saw and heard the other woman’s shock.
Slowly Greer nodded. Conall and she had barely talked about losing their child. He’d been stymied by her amnesia. Before that, and after, she hadn’t wanted to watch him pretend to feel regret about the baby when the chances were he was relieved. His concern forherwas real, but for the baby? She’d convinced herself he’d be a terrific dad once it was born but she’d never know now. For him the baby had only been an obligation to plan for.
Do you know that for sure?
He didn’t want the baby initially but maybe his feelings changed. You never gave him a chance to say.
The idea slammed into Greer like a fist.
Sheknewhe hadn’t wanted the baby. Yet hadn’t he deserved better from her?
You didn’t give him a chance.
How many times did you cut him off from talking about it? You pushed him away, actually ran away.
You convinced yourself you knew what he was thinking without even asking. How much did you assume?
Her lungs seized as a monstrous idea hit her.
She’d grown up knowing her father was dangerous, a man incapable of loving either his wife or child. Had that translated into an instinctive mistrust of men? A readiness to believe no man would ever love her or want to create a family with her? Had her mother’s experience stunted her own relationships?
From her peripheral vision she saw the woman reach out as if to touch Greer’s arm then stop and pull her arm back. It jerked her from her whirling thoughts. She swallowed a tight tangle of emotion.
‘Thank you for your kindness. It was…good to talk about it a little.’
Which stunned her. There was pain of course, but also relief, a feeling of pressure releasing.
She closed her eyes for a moment and drew a grounding breath. When she opened them it was to see the other woman holding out her baby to her.
Startled, Greer turned to find those kind eyes smiling at her. ‘Please. Sometimes a cuddle helps.’
The woman trusted her with her baby? Did Greer even want to hold it? Inexplicable fear rose.
