There it was again, his protectiveness. How was it Conall had grown into a caring, decent man so unlike his loathsome brother? They’d both suffered the same sort of upbringing. Such a childhood must have affected them both.
An idea lodged in her brain. The more she pondered the more she wondered if it could be true. Could his difficult upbringing have made him averse to having a family of his own?
‘Why didn’t you want our baby, Conall?’
Finally the words were out. The ones she hadn’t dared say before, when she’d decided she’d rather have Conall as a husband than not at all. It had been wrong accepting his proposal, knowing he didn’t want a child. But she’d been selfish and needy. Now she understood they had no real future without honesty. She had to understand what made him tick.
He stiffened, shunting back from the table. ‘Ididwant our baby!’ His voice throbbed with feeling and she saw a pulse pound at his temple. ‘Getting your message that you’d miscarried, then coming home to find you gone…’ He ploughed his hand back through his unruly hair. ‘It was the darkest time of my life. I’ll never forgive myself for leaving that day.’
Greer felt her eyes widen. He’d told her he was sorry about the baby, but in such terms she’d assumed he felt sorry forher, not his own loss. This was so much more. ‘You weren’t to know I’d miscarry.Ididn’t know.’
‘But you needed me.’
‘I wish you’d been there, Conall. But neither of us were to blame.’ It had taken her long enough to accept that.
She wrapped her arms around her middle and said carefully, ‘You really wanted our child?’
He sat rigid, chin up. ‘You think I’d lie? About that?’
She’d never known him to be dishonest. Which meant hehadwanted their child. Yet that made no sense.
‘But you didn’t always feel that way. Not in the beginning.’
Something shifted in his face. His posture changed and his mouth flattened. For the briefest moment he looked away then immediately back to her. ‘You knew that?’ Regret laced his words, and surprise. ‘I never said it.’
‘You didn’t need to. It was in what you didn’t say.’
There’d been no joy, nothing but practical if kind support. Did she want to keep the child? Really, was she sure? Did she feel well?
‘You did all the right things. Made sure I looked after myself and got good advice. You didn’t shirk in supporting me.’ He’d even come to her first scan. ‘But there was no excitement. You did what needed to be done.’
He might have bought a stunning engagement ring but there’d been no romance about his proposal, just a recitation of the reasons it made sense to marry since they had a baby on the way.
Slowly he spoke, his expression sombre. ‘You’re right. I didn’t want the baby at first.’
Greer found herself pressing one palm to her abdomen, as if protecting the baby she no longer carried. It was what she’d already known, yet it pained her to hear.
Conall’s stare flicked to the gesture then to her face, his own tightening. ‘I’m sorry that hurt you, but you wanted the truth. As for why…’ He paused. ‘At the time I couldn’t have told you. At first it was simply the shock of a life-changing event, something we hadn’t planned for.’
Silly as it was, Greer took heart from the fact he saidwenotI.
‘But you’re right, there’s more. It wasn’t something I’d given any thought to. All my focus has been on building my business, first because it was expected, later because I wanted to create something independent of my father. Different to the way he worked.’
He lifted one shoulder. ‘I have few memories of life before the Abercrombies and no treasured recollections of my time with them. No fun with siblings, just competition and cruel games. For years the idea of family turned my stomach.’
Greer covered his hand with hers. How had she not at least guessed? But while they’d communicated so well over other things, neither had revealed much of their past.
‘That sounds horrendous.’
As an only child she’d thought it would be fun to have brothers and sisters. At least her mother had loved her and done her best for her. They’d been a team.
Conall’s other hand clamped hers as he leaned close. She took comfort in his warm touch and steady gaze.
‘I suppose my upbringing made me stronger, more self-reliant. But the idea of having a family scared me. It brought back things I’d rather forget. Yet as time went on, as I experienced our baby through your excitement and your eyes, things changed. I began thinking about the future, how we could build something different to what my father created.’
‘To show you could do it better?’
‘No!’ His dark eyes glittered with shock. ‘No, for us and our child. I found myself wondering what sort of father I’d make and hoping I’d do a reasonable job.’
