‘They disapprove of intra-office relationships?’
‘They’d disapprove of me doing this…just having sex without any commitment…’ She mirrored his stroking, running her hand along his thigh and liking the abrasive feel of hair-roughened, muscled skin.
He was fully erect and she teased the tip of his erection with her finger and smiled when he shuddered and clasped his hand over hers for a couple of seconds.
‘From what you’ve told me about them, I’ll admit I got the idea that they might have been a little more liberal in their thinking.’
‘Because they led an unconventional lifestyle?’ Erin thought about her parents, still crazily in love with one another. ‘They were soulmates. They literally only had eyes for one another. They had me later in life but honestly…they’re great believers in the power of love and all they’ve ever wanted for me was to find my own soulmate.’ Erin hesitated. She’d told him a lot, but she hadn’t mentioned David, the guy she’d dated, the mistake she’d made. ‘Especially after David.’
‘Who was David?’
Erin flopped back onto the lounger and stared off into the distance. Darkness had roared in, extinguishing the russet colours of sunset.
‘Oh, he’s someone I thought was the real deal. I was inexperienced. I built castles in the sky.’ She smiled. ‘It was never the real deal. We were never a match and when we broke up, he said some pretty harsh things…’ She sighed. ‘I got over him and it didn’t take long to realise that he was toxic, passive-aggressive a lot of the time…moody when he didn’t get his own way. I don’t think I was really myself when I was with him and never relaxed into the relationship. I was in love with the thought of being in love so decided that it was okay to ignore red flags. When we broke up, he was pretty callous, pretty scathing about me and that hurt. A lot. So while that break-up was the best thing that could have happened to me in retrospect, I think it made my parents realise, and me as well, that the next relationship should be something healthy, a relationship with a future. My parents might have been hippies and still are, to be honest, but they’d see this as me wasting my time.’
‘And do you? Think that you’re wasting your time with me?’
The conversation was suddenly very serious. Thoughts that Erin had barely voiced to herself now rose to the surface.
Where was this going? How had that bridge to be crossed at some point in the future suddenly materialised under her feet? Was it because feelings she had dismissed as no more than a trivial crush were turning out to be something a lot more dangerous?
Her heart picked up pace.
Was she falling in love with a guy whose only commitment to her had been to take a few days off work? All so that they could prolong their time in this little bubble where reality could be suspended?
Raffaele hadn’t even discussed what would happen when their time on this yacht was at an end!
And she’d just gone along for the ride because he was addictive. She’d squashed all her qualms when they’d tried to nudge through and told herself that she was in control. And why had she done that?
Because she loved him.
And the alternative of stepping back and taking stock was inconceivable, so she’d pretended there was no need to look beyond the moment. She’d dumped every principle she’d had when it came to men, lock, stock and barrel.
And now she was terrified.
Her mouth suddenly felt dry. ‘Why would I think that?’ she managed to say.
‘Well, it sounds as though after the break-up, you programmed yourself to think that the only way forward would be with a guy with an engagement ring in his back pocket.’
His voice was light and amused but Erin thought she could pick up something in his voice, a wariness, the cautious testing of the ground. The hint of unspoken questions.Was his secretary beginning to get unrealistic ideas about what they had? Which was, essentially, nothing? Should he be worried?
It wasn’t as though he’d said anything about a future…no plans beyond how they would occupy the next hour or so…
‘Programmes have a way of changing,’ Erin mused thoughtfully, absently, while her heart beat fast and wild against her ribcage. ‘Your programme also changed, didn’t it? But here we are.’ She shrugged and smiled and then provocatively traced a line with her finger along his arm. ‘I reckon this is just what I need. Something temporary…a fun stepping stone to the committed relationship I really want. I mean, I fell into the habit of taking time out from guys after my break-up. It was easy and it was lazy and I’m honest enough to admit that.’ She smiled ruefully, something in her chest aching.
She loved this man… How could she have let this happen?
‘“A fun stepping stone…”’
‘That’s it. A wonderful game. Wouldn’t you agree? I mean, neither of us saw this coming and now we’re here, it’s almost as though we’re not actually in the real world.’
‘I can agree with that.’ Raffaele smiled, trying to cover over the unsettling realisation that it was pretty much the only thing Erin had said that he was inclined to agree with.
Wrong.He could theoretically agree with all of it. He just didn’tlikeevery word he’d just heard.
A stepping stone? A bit of fun? Before she found Mr Right?
Was that the sound of a woman who was using him?
