There’d been no joy, nothing but practical if kind support. Did she want to keep the child? Really, was she sure? Did she feel well?
‘You did all the right things. Made sure I looked after myself and got good advice. You didn’t shirk in supporting me.’ He’d even come to her first scan. ‘But there was no excitement. You did what needed to be done.’
He might have bought a stunning engagement ring but there’d been no romance about his proposal, just a recitation of the reasons it made sense to marry since they had a baby on the way.
Slowly he spoke, his expression sombre. ‘You’re right. I didn’t want the baby at first.’
Greer found herself pressing one palm to her abdomen, as if protecting the baby she no longer carried. It was what she’d already known, yet it pained her to hear.
Conall’s stare flicked to the gesture then to her face, his own tightening. ‘I’m sorry that hurt you, but you wanted the truth. As for why…’ He paused. ‘At the time I couldn’t have told you. At first it was simply the shock of a life-changing event, something we hadn’t planned for.’
Silly as it was, Greer took heart from the fact he saidwenotI.
‘But you’re right, there’s more. It wasn’t something I’d given any thought to. All my focus has been on building my business, first because it was expected, later because I wanted to create something independent of my father. Different to the way he worked.’
He lifted one shoulder. ‘I have few memories of life before the Abercrombies and no treasured recollections of my time with them. No fun with siblings, just competition and cruel games. For years the idea of family turned my stomach.’
Greer covered his hand with hers. How had she not at least guessed? But while they’d communicated so well over other things, neither had revealed much of their past.
‘That sounds horrendous.’
As an only child she’d thought it would be fun to have brothers and sisters. At least her mother had loved her and done her best for her. They’d been a team.
Conall’s other hand clamped hers as he leaned close. She took comfort in his warm touch and steady gaze.
‘I suppose my upbringing made me stronger, more self-reliant. But the idea of having a family scared me. It brought back things I’d rather forget. Yet as time went on, as I experienced our baby through your excitement and your eyes, things changed. I began thinking about the future, how we could build something different to what my father created.’
‘To show you could do it better?’
‘No!’ His dark eyes glittered with shock. ‘No, for us and our child. I found myself wondering what sort of father I’d make and hoping I’d do a reasonable job.’
Greer’s heart ached. For what he’d missed out on with his family and what he’d suffered. For the fact he doubted himself as a result. Then there was his pain over the baby they’d lost. It shamed her that she’d had no inkling he cared so much. How blinkered she’d been.
‘You’d have done a fantastic job, Conall.’ Her voice was soft with the depth of her feelings. ‘Whenever you set your mind to something, you succeed. If it’s important to you—’
‘It was. No matter how I felt in the beginning, Icaredabout our baby. I began to wonder what he or she would be like, and imagine us all together. Why do you think I sold the penthouse and bought the house? You’d said you wished you’d had a big yard to play in when you were young. I wanted that for our child.’
Greer’s heart somersaulted. She remembered them strolling in the botanic gardens months ago. She’d mentioned how much she enjoyed the wide green space, saying she’d have loved a house with a yard when she was little.
‘I’m sorry, Greer. All this time you thought I didn’t want our baby. I thought, hoped, you hadn’t realised how I felt in the beginning. We were both shocked by the news, weren’t we?’
She nodded. ‘I didn’t feel maternal to start with. I couldn’t believe I was pregnant. I’m so used to planning everything and the baby wasn’t on my schedule.’ She shook her head. ‘But once the news settled, I knew I wanted it. My mum and I were close. I wanted that with our baby.’
She’d wanted more, including a husband who loved her, but she’d take this one step at a time.
Conall’s voice deepened, brushing like suede over sensitive skin. ‘I wish I’d made my feelings clear earlier, sweetheart. Maybe then you wouldn’t have felt you needed to deal with your grief alone.’
‘I’msorry, Conall. I was so wrapped up in how I felt and sure you saw our baby as an obligation, I wanted to hide away. It must’ve made it harder, me leaving like that.’ She tried to imagine his feelings, arriving back from the US, upset about the baby, only to find her gone. ‘I was selfish. It’s no excuse to say I didn’t realise how much.’
‘Don’t talk that way.’ He wrapped his arm around her, drawing her close. ‘You didn’t know. You were hurting.’
‘We were both hurting, but I acted like it was my prerogative alone.’
A warm hand captured her chin, turning it up to meet his black gaze. It glittered, as if sparks of fire lit it from within.
‘Stop that. We both made mistakes. I should have been open about what I felt.’ His smile looked close to a grimace. ‘That’s something I’ve never learned to do. My whole training was in suppressing emotions. That’s why I held back from talking about this, instead of forcing the issue. I’m not comfortable talking about what I feel. I was trained to see that as weakness.’
He looked into her eyes. ‘Let me say it now. Our child was a wonderful gift. I didn’t appreciate that at first but I came to. And if I’d been in any doubt, losing the baby made me realise exactly how much I wanted it.’
