The joy of getting your memory back—being able to relive the worst moment of your life as if it had just happened!
Greer tried to sort her still-tangled memories.
All the time she was conscious of Conall beside her, close but not touching, giving her space and time to absorb everything.
She wanted to scream at him to leave her alone yet, at the same time, she needed him there. She’d done this alone once and couldn’t face it that way again.
She remembered them becoming lovers. A pang of remembered joy slammed into her, thinking of that heady time when each day drew them closer together.
Then she’d realised her regular-as-clockwork period was late and taken a pregnancy test, telling herself she was jumping to conclusions. Two test kits and a visit to the GP put paid to that idea. It seemed accidents happened despite precautions.
Greer had been numb with shock, not sure how she felt. Starting a family hadn’t been on her radar, not yet. She’d spent so long building her career and loved her work. But as the hours turned into a day, then two, she’d begun to feel thrilled as well as nervous.
Her feelings for Conall had been growing deeper and stronger. Now she found an infinite reservoir of love for the unborn child they’d created. She’d begun to imagine a future for them all.
She’d told Conall her news, and that was when harsh reality hit.
Of course he was shocked. They hadn’t planned this. But as she waited for surprise to turn into happiness, she’d been disappointed. He’d asked if she were sure. He’d been solicitous about her health, arranging an appointment with a well-regarded specialist.
Later he’d asked if she wanted to see the pregnancy through.
When she’d said yes, he’d nodded and pulled her to him, saying she had nothing to worry about and he’d look after her and the child.
The child,notour baby.
Once he knew she was determined to keep the baby, he’d been outwardly supportive. But she’d seen no delight, felt no tremor of anticipation in him.
He hadn’t wanted their baby.
He never came out and said it, but she knew him. There’d been a change in their previously easy relationship, a distance about him. He’d been tense, stressed, unhappy but trying to hide it.
When he’d asked her to marry him she’d instantly wanted to say yes. Greer knew her heart well enough to know it belonged to him, though she’d never said the words. But she’d demurred, saying she needed time to think about it, and that marriage wasn’t necessary. Because he clearly felt none of the excitement she did at the idea of marriage. He’d proposed because he thought it the right thing to do.
But once Conall set his mind on something, he got it. Obviously he’d thought marriage the best option. He’d talked to her about all the reasons it would be good for their baby to be part of a family. The legal protections of marriage, so if anything happened to him, she and their child would be secure, not tussling with his family over his assets.
Greer wasn’t interested in his assets, but he’d been adamant he wanted her protected. He made his family sound rapacious.
Was that why he wasn’t enthusiastic about their baby? Had his experiences soured him on relationships?
Finally he’d convinced her. Or maybe she’d convinced herself, telling herself that when he had time to get used to the idea, things would change. He’d realise how much he felt for her, and he’d come to love their child.
They’d been married quietly on a private island off Australia’s Whitsunday Coast. There’d been no press, no family and their honeymoon had been idyllic. Apart from the niggling fear that she’d made a catastrophic mistake, gambling that her love would be enough for all of them.
Back in Sydney life had settled into a routine. Conall was as attentive as ever, a colleague at work and a caring lover in private. Except there was an added dimension to him, a reserve that hadn’t been there before. A distance when he didn’t realise she was watching. As if he were caught up in unpleasant or difficult thoughts.
Then came his trip to the USA. Usually she’d have gone too but he’d insisted she stay and rest. She’d been feeling exhausted and hadn’t argued, determined to be sensible about her health and her baby’s. Yet on the morning he was due to leave Greer had felt out of sorts. She’d woken to discomfort in her lower back and wondered if she’d overdone her online yoga session.
Worse though had been the inexplicable sense of dread when she thought of Conall’s imminent departure. As if she couldn’t cope without him! It was so unlike her, but she’d actually asked him to defer the flight. She hadn’t mentioned her physical discomfort, thinking it was nothing, only asked him to stay in Sydney.
Conall had held her hands and reminded her that the sooner he finished his business, the sooner he’d be back. He’d promised to streamline the meetings and return early. Greer had wanted to beg him to stay but knew how hard they’d both worked for that deal and how important it was to him.
His flight was only a little way across the Pacific when her back ache morphed into stomach cramps. Despite seeking help as soon as possible, when she left hospital later that day she was no longer pregnant. There’d been nothing anyone could do to save her baby.
Her breath hissed as she recalled the smells of blood, disinfectant and fear.
‘Greer? Say something. Talk to me. Please.’
A familiar weight settled at the top of her back, Conall’s palm. She wanted to tell him not to touch her, though the feel of his hand, gently circling, felt…welcome. It even seemed to take her headache down a notch or two.
