To be vulnerable.
I’d rather run through the seagulls again and deal with them pooping on me.
But still, this is what I signed up for.
It’s the first typical one-on-one date—I sent Asani home before we got to the dinner part, and Basher and I mixed it up withDenzel, so viewers weren’t able to see the romance blossoming over plates of food that we never touched. Tanner and I are going to have to play the part of a couple falling in love. I’m going to have to do this for him, with the hope that I’m not believable enough for him to start falling for me.
I know Tanner is interested; there is attraction there, but what I really feel for him is friendship.
I can only hope it’s the same for him.
“You look gorgeous.” Tanner gets to his feet as I walk toward him at the table on the back deck of the restaurant. The admiration in his eyes looks real—and so is mine when I get a good look at him in his dress pants and shirt with the sleeves rolled up to show tanned forearms.
I’m happy to see his shaggy hair is still shaggy.
“So do you,” I tell him.
The ambience is perfect—candles, the scent of good food, a glass of chilled Sancerre before me. Thin clouds scud across the rising moon and the wind has picked up, sending waves crashing against the jetty.
It would be a perfect night for romance if you weren’t looking at the three cameras focused on getting our every word and expression.
This is where it’s going to seem like Tanner and I are falling in love.
I hope Spencer never sees it.
We sit, we make some inane toast, and now it’s Tanner’s turn to ask the questions. I brace myself, preparing to be vulnerable.
“Why do you live in Chicago?” Tanner begins. There is food before us which we are not allowed to eat. They told me to have asnack before we started shooting and I’m glad I did. “I would think New York would be more your speed. Toronto even.”
“Have you ever been?” I counter, tracing the edge of my wineglass.
Tanner shakes his head. “Boston and Philadelphia, but not Chicago. I tend to stay in Canada mostly.”
“I love Canada. But Chicago is beautiful. It’s kind of a silly story about why I ended up there.” I take a deep breath because it’s time to start giving this vulnerability thing a shot. Or at least the personal anecdotes. “You’ve seen Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, haven’t you?”
“Is that the one with the kids in detention?”
“No, but that’s another John Hughes movie. He made the best teen movies of the 1980s.”
“I’ll take your word for it. I’ve never been one for movies.”
“That might have to change,” I say lightly, and Tanner grins. “Anyway, in the movie, Ferris ditches school for a day. He plans this whole elaborate sickness just so he can play hooky with his girlfriend and his best friend. And they go to Chicago. When I saw the movie, I wanted to be one of those characters.”
“The girlfriend?”
I grimace. “No, I wanted to be Ferris. He was the leader, the planner, the elaborate prankster.” I smile at the memory. “He talked his way into the best restaurant without a reservation, he managed to get on a float in this parade. He just grabbed life. I’ve always loved his sense of adventure, his confidence, and I thought if I lived in Chicago, every day could be like that.” I pause. “It’s silly.”
“Why? That’s who you are. You have this passion for life that’s incredible.”
“I try,” I admit, trying to hide the sudden lump in my throat at the thought of someone actually seeing me for once. Tanner is dangerous, and if things were different— “You’re from Halifax?”
“Originally from New Brunswick, but open to relocate.” He grins.
“Are your parents still together?”
“Yes, they’re very happy.” Tanner drops his gaze. A pause, and I think that’s all he’s going to say. But then— “How old were you when your mother died?” he surprises me by asking, as well as by the gentleness in his tone “The queen, I mean.”
“She was the queen but she was still my mom.” He’s the first of the men who has asked about her.
