“I said I wasn’t sure—”
“Which pretty much means you didn’t. Why now? It’s like the worst timing for me. Can’t you see that?”
Spencer has always understood me and if he doesn’t see this—see that he’s here for himself, rather than me—then I don’t know how to make him understand.
I could send him home. That would make him understand.
But I can’t do that.
“What about you deciding to move on just after Abigail and I get together? What about that timing?”
I jerk my hand out of his grip. Maybe he deserves to be sent home.
21
Spencer
I
’mnotputtingupwith Lyra talking in circles. It’s like she’s not listening, and I’m being honest and straightforward about everything.
Now.
Finally.
It’s always been that way with us—two steps forward and one giant leap back. Lyra would send me a letter a week until she got upset with me over a perceived slight, like when I invited Bo and Odin to my place in Toronto for the weekend but not her.
She pushes for more than the friendship that I have with the princes, and I’ve never been certain if it’s because she’s jealous of her brothers or it’s something she really wants. The princes, because of their interests, have had a kind of freedom that she’s always craved. She puts herself in the public eye, and with that come restrictions and scrutiny that any beautiful woman would have to deal with, regardless of whether she’s a princess.
I’ve spent too many years with these kinds of upsets with Lyra, but I’m not about to put up with them anymore. The stakes are too high. There’s too much history between us for this to be easy, but she’s too important for me not to put in the effort.
I fumble for her hand under the water. It’s easier to say these things when I’m touching her. And once I admit I want to touch her, it’s like I need to touch her all the time.
I think not touching her might drive me crazy.
“Did you think about how your decision to be on this show would hurt me?” I ask. “To open the doors for all these men to have a shot with you?”
Her blue eyes widen. “Are you trying to guilt me?”
“No, just being truthful.” I blow out my breath as I capture her hand. “The only good thing about you doing this is that it’s going to make me be honest with you.”
“Are you telling me you weren’t honest before?”
“I wasn’t honest in that I never told you that you are the woman I compare all other women to.”
There. I said it. I’m not sure which one of us is more surprised.
“And no one has ever measured up,” I finish in a rush. “No one. You are the gold standard, Lyra. You have ruined me for other women. If I get involved with someone, it’s only because they remind me of you. The only reason I was with Abigail is that we were such good friends, and then we crossed the line and I was too comfortable to stop it.”
“You were comfortable?” Lyra whispers, her lip curling with disapproval.
“I know, it’s horrible. It wasn’t fair to her or myself. Abigail is an incredible woman, but she’s notyou. And that’s why I’m here, because I’ve never been able to find someone just like you. Because there’s no one. No one with your sense of adventure, or your passion for life, and definitely no one with a connection asstrong as the one between us. That’s why I’ve been dreaming about having moments like this with you for my entire life.”
Lyra’s lips part and fall open as if in slow motion. Her gaze searches my face like it’s struggling to find the truth in my eyes.
That was the truth.
This is what raw honesty is like with Lyra.
