And there’s always been a part of me who thinks Spencer just mirrors the relationships I have with my brothers. Does he think of me as another one of his sisters? Am I simply an aspect of his friendship with them?
Could he ever see me as anything else?
I have never lacked self-confidence, but thoughts of Spencer have always left me
flustered and uncertain.
I don’t like it.
So when he went full steam ahead with Abigail a few months ago, I told myself enough was enough. I was not waiting one more day for him to realize we could be the power couple of our generation.
If not that, then at least we’d be good together. I thought I could make him happy—but I stopped thinking that because I had to leave happiness up to Abigail. I tucked all my Spencer thoughts into a neat little box and shoved them deep. And then Grayson came to me.
And now we’re here and I don’t know what to think. I wish I could say,You’re too late. I’m over you.
But unfortunately, that wouldn’t be true.
And there’s a little voice that hasn’t shut up since he arrived.
What if you’re meant to be with him?
I think that’s my mother’s voice. Or maybe it’s mine.
Whoever is talking to me, it makes me want to see Spencer today.
“Can I hang out with the guys today after the photo shoot?” I ask Grayson over breakfast. The guest list staying at the house has expanded with Bo, Hettie, and Tema still here, as well as Gunnarand Sophie, who arrived yesterday. Camille seems flustered by the extra people, but Odin is his usual organized self. And of course, it’s Madame Carol who does the lion’s share of the work.
Grayson fits in nicely. Ria spends most of her time with Rue at the hotel, but Grayson likes to hang around here. I’ve suggested he bring his wife here to stay with us as well.
“Tomorrow is the next group date,” Grayson reminds me, smiling his thanks as Madame Carol refills his coffee cup. He’s much better looking without the cake of makeup they slather on him when he’s in front of the camera, a fact that Madame Carol seems to appreciate.
There were no roses given out this morning, which is good because I didn’t know whom I would have sent home. I’m keeping Basher, even after the kissing thing, and no one is on my radar to get rid of.
I think that’s more because I haven’t spent enough time to get to know them.
“But I want to hang with themtoday,” I say with exaggerated excitement. “I need more time with them off-camera, with no tripping over each other to pull me aside. Just to get to know them better.”
“We’ve never done that before.” Grayson sounds worried at the thought.
I smirk. “You’ve never had me as the Suitorette.”
“I want to come,” Tema pipes up. “I want to see the suitors because I don’t know what a suitor is.”
Tema sits at the far end of the table. I thought she was all about gulping down her waffles rather than paying attention to us.Sometimes I forget how good her listening skills really are. “It’s like a boyfriend,” I explain.
“I thought it was like a suitcase.” Tema’s eyes widen. “They’re all your boyfriends? Everybody at the hotel?”
“Please, god no,” Bo mutters.
“I’m not sureshe’sa good idea,” Grayson mouths the word. Obviously, he doesn’t have children because Tema picks up on the word right away.
“I’m thebestidea,” she declares.
“Aunt Lyra has to work,” Hettie cuts in.
“But she can help me,” I argue. “I think it’s thebestidea.” I grin at Tema.
“The two of you should not be alone together,” Bo mutters under his breath.
