But the spark fizzles out. Is that because Spencer is my firebreak, steadily burning all the brush and fuel so a simple spark won’t be able to build into something more?
I wonder if that’s always been my problem.
It’s a good kiss, but I can’t stop thinking about what Spencer will say when he sees me kissing Basher.
I shouldn’t care, but I do.
It’s not a good thing to think about one man while you’re kissing another.
19
Spencer
I
’mnotsureIcan handle the sitting around.
Lyra is on a date with Basher, and I’m stuck at the hotel with the other guys. We’re all waiting for it to be over.
Waiting, and dreading when Basher comes back to report.
The men are scattered all over the house—some in the pool, a few working with the weights. There is laughter and music from the kitchen, and a small group hangs out in the lobby, ready to be the first ones to see Lyra when she drops off Basher.
We missed her earlier since Basher had been waiting outside and they drove off without giving anyone time to say hello.
Some of the guys are upset about that, but I’d bet it’s just Lyra.
If I were a producer of this show, I would have made her sign an ironclad agreement to follow each and every instruction. Even though that still might not have gotten her to follow the rules.
Lyra does what Lyra wants. It’s how it’s always been.
Since I’ve been here, I’ve been thinking about her a lot.
Lyra is seen as demanding, constantly in search of adventure, new experiences. Her life is a quest for fun. A rebel in the royal family.
But being here—cut off from the outside world, including the work I know is piling up—means I’m alone with my thoughts for the first time in years. And I’ve done a lot of thinking about Lyra, about how she’s not as demanding as everyone thinks she is. She’s definitely a smart, strong, tenacious woman because the daughter of Magnus and Selene Erickson could be nothing else. I’ve been fortunate to see a different side of Lyra, but now I wonder if there’s more to her than even I realize.
Demanding and difficult could be a way of wrestling for control over her life.
Being the child of a king is a challenge and I’ve seen the princes struggle with their duties and responsibilities in their attempts to have a life somewhat separate from their royal personas. But it must be even more difficult for Lyra—not only is she a woman, but she’s a strong one who knows her own mind. She’s never sidestepped obstacles, but dealt with them directly, even bulldozing them. All amazing traits for women, but even today, not all society sees strong women as a positive thing.
She lost her mother, but rather than letting that define her, letting her grief change her into an entitled, spoiled woman who demands sympathy, Lyra put in the work to deal with her emotions instead of pretending they don’t exist. A public melt-down days after the queen’s funeral, questionable relationships, and bad judgements made it obvious that she needed help with her grief, and she got it.
I respect her for that. Admire her.
Princess Lyra is an incredible woman, and I can’t wait for the chance to tell her that.
I don’t think it will be tonight, though.
Instead, I spend the evening lounging on a couch before the fire with Rand, who has become my newest shadow since Lucas left.
I don’t mind Rand following me around.
With us are Boone, Jon, Dylan and Leo. Even for someone who grew up with princes—all sexiest men of various years—there is a intimidating amount of attractiveness and testosterone in this group.
I should have expected that.
“So you and Lyra were pretty close?” Tanner asks, joining me on the couch. He hands me a beer, and I accept it gratefully.
