I am nothing to Lyra, so why isLyra is looking for loveechoing in my head like a sonic boom?
“What do you think about it?” Bo continues.
Bo is really going there—right now, when Hettie is sitting between us in the back of the SUV. I should have driven my own car home. “About why Odin isso upset?”
“No, Spence,” Hettie says impatiently. “About ifyou’reupset. You and Lyra are—”
“Nothing,” I snap. I soften my voice and my expression. “We are nothing.” It’s not like I can say anything else. Hettie is my friend and she’s also Abigail’s best friend. I know what side she’d be on.
“I was going to say complicated,” she corrects.
“Yeah. That,” Bo agrees. “I love you and Abigail, but you and Lyra? When you see the two of you together…”
The way that Lyra always stands just a little too close to me. The way I finish her sentences and whisper comments in her ear to make her laugh. The way that we’re always the last to leave a party or the dinner table.
How I find some reason to touch Lyra when I’m close to her.
Hettie sighs with frustration. “I know you and Abigail have gotten close since we’ve been back and I’m happy about that. So happy.” She pats my knee with a big smile. “You have no idea. But Abigail aside—I care about you, Spence. And if you haveanyfeelings for Lyra, whether you want to admit them or not, you need to put a stop to this.”
How does Hettie know that was my first instinct? That instead of being driven to the castle, I wanted nothing more but to catch the first flight to Saint Pierre and drag Lyra home.
I’ve never been the Neanderthal type, and the urge to throw Lyra over my shoulder and away from all other men makes me a little shaky.
The fact I had this urge while I was saying goodnight to Abigail makes me sick to my stomach.
“Easier said than done,” I mutter. “Not that I would. Or could. It’s her decision.”
“Yes, but you are the one who will suffer,” Hettie says in a gentle voice. “Trust me on this—those years I was away from Bo, my heart broke whenever I saw a picture of him with another woman.”
“Hettie,” Bo protests.
“I’m not saying this to make you feel bad.” She turns to him. “And thank god there weren’t that many of them. But it hurt. And Lyra is going to be all over the place, and it mightbe painful. I don’t like the thought of you hurt.”
“It’ll be fine.” I sound convincing. I sound sure of myself.
But Hettie believes me even less than I believe myself.
“Oh, Spence. You lie. And you need to decide how much you can take,” she tells me with another pat on the knee. “Because trust me—it won’t be fine.”
“Do you think she’s doing this because of you and Abigail?” Bo asks.
“No,” I scoff, even though the same thought has me spiraling since Odin’s call.
It would be such a Lyra thing to do.
But if that’s her reason, then it would mean— “No,” I repeat, less forcefully this time.
If that’s the reason, then I can’t blame her. I told Lyra I wanted to explore a relationship with Abigail and that’s what I’m doing. But still…
It’s difficult to give up old dreams, especially when you’re not sure that’s all they are. Old dreams.
“What do you do when she falls in love with one of these guys?” Bo asks.
I can’t answer because I don’t know. I don’t know what I would do. And I don’t know what to say to Bo about this.
I should know what I would do, because I always know. Because if I don’t know, that means I should have been figuring all of this out all along. I should have let myself find out what Lyra really is to me, rather than have it suddenly become this massive issue that I know will keep my up all night.
Bo just looks at me.
