I nod, coughing to get rid of the knot in my throat. “Anyway, we made a pact that we’d make it pro and play for the Devils one day. And then, as we got older, we figured we had our whole careers to make it happen. But then he passed, and now there’s only me.”
Darby leans over and gives my arm a squeeze. “You’re not alone, Cole. You have us, and your teammates and friends, and?—”
“I know, Darbs. What I mean is that it’s only me to see our dream through. And suddenly, I’m being given the opportunity, but rather than shout from the rooftops with joy, I’m confused.”
“Take Nathan out of the picture. Do youwantto play for the Devils?” She rests her elbows on her thighs and leans forward. “I thought you realized this, but Nathan’s no longer around to hold you to your end of the deal.”
I sputter, causing wine to drip down my chin and onto my shirt. “Christ, Darby. Way to be callous.”
She sticks her wine-stained tongue out at me. “My therapist says that using humor to deal with loss is healthy. And considering how much I pay her, I’ll take her word for it.” She settles into the cushion again. “What I’m trying to say is that Nathan wouldn’t hold it against you if you made the best decision foryou. You may be twins, but you were still two completely different people. There are plenty of ways to honor him that don’t involve playing for the team you worshipped as kids.”
I stroke the top of Goose’s snout. “I’m not tattooing his name onto my ass.”
“I drunkenly suggested thatonce,” she huffs. “And I mean that you can honor him by living your life the wayyouwant to. Play for the Bobcats, or the Penguins, or the Stormhawks, or whoever. But play for them becauseyouwant to. Not because once upon a time, you and Nathan wanted to. People grow up, Cole. They’re allowed to grow out of dreams, too.”
My hand falls still on Goose’s head as her words hit me. They hit me harder and faster than any opponent on the ice ever has. And I’ve broken quite a lot of bones. “When’d you get so smart, kid?”
“I’m telling you, man. My therapist knows her shit. If you do end up moving to San Diego, I’m more than happy to send you her number, but I don’t think you’ll move.”
“Why not?”
“Because San Diego hasn’t felt like home to you for a long time.” She eases the truth of her words with a lopsided smile. “Which I’m okay with, because if you move back, you’ll cockblock me until I die alone with all my cats.”
I only planned to have a small glass of wine, but on second thought, maybe I need one more.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
maya
“Go away. I’m not home.”
My raw throat protests as I shout at the door, but that’s what happens after crying on and off for a day. I’m not typically a crier, but once I got started, it was like Niagara Falls and a water park coalesced in my tear ducts. Sophie gave me a couple of packages of under-eye patches that contain hyaluronic acid and caffeine to “depuff my marshmallow eyes,” but I’m still a splotchy, red-hot mess with a scratchy voice.
Despite my demand, the knocking persists. Knocking is a generous description, considering it’s Elliott. On a normal day, the way he pounds on the door sounds like someone’s launching cannonballs at my apartment.
“What part ofgo awaywas not clear to you, Elliott?” I call out. “I’m mad at you. That means I’m allowed to ignore you.”
I hate arguing with my siblings, but Elliott keeping Cole’s secret from me? What the hell happened to sisters—and brothers—over misters?
Elliott lets out a long breath and knocks again. “Maya, answer the door. If I don’t give Ava proof that you’re okay, she’s going to jump on a plane and fly here herself. And as much as we’d both love to see her, she’s got a midterm in a few days, so?—”
I stomp to the door and throw it open. “What do you want—Oh.”
Kennedy flashes me one of her signature smiles. The kind that makes it difficult to be annoyed by the intrusion.Andshe’s holding a Tupperware filled with something chocolatey, which definitely tempers my ire.
I lean against the doorframe in a sad attempt to block them from coming in. “Is this an intervention?”
“No, but based on the state of your apartment, I’m wondering if it should be.” She peers around me, eyeing my space. The once neat piles of books divided by genre and trope are now scattered across the floor in a haphazard manner.
Did I kick a pile of books in frustration? Maybe. Did that pile then knock over another pile, which caused a domino effect? Most likely. Did it make me feel better? Absolutely.
As I tie my hair back into a ponytail, I glare at them. “What are you doing here?”
“Making sure you’re not so deeply enmeshed in a book that you’ve forgotten to shower or sleep.” Kennedy shrugs. “And your brother wasn’t sure you’d let him in, so I came as backup.”
She walks right past me and into my kitchen, with Elliott hot on her heels.
Sighing, I close the door behind me. Apparently being left alone to process my feelings is too much to ask for. At least Cole’s graduated from calling and is now sticking to texts. I finally gave in and responded, but only to say that we’d talk after his game this weekend. He replied by sending me romantic quotes from my favorite books.
