I turn my attention from the family, exhaling with relief as they keep moving past us. “Um, I haven’t really been around them, but I mean, they are smelly and loud, and you have to actually look after them, like feeding and bathing them. I don’t have time for that shit.”
His mouth turns down a little. “There’s more to them than that. The mind of a child can be a wondrous place.” He glances away from me, reaches for the in-flight menu, and studies it. I frown, wondering exactly what kind of experience he has with children. As far as I know, he had a pretty crappy childhood, and only my father rescuing him improved his life. Shit, I wonder if he had or has any siblings? Where are they now if he did? He wouldn’t be the kind of person who would leave them behind. Now I feel guilty that I haven’t shown more interest in his life.
I reach out, placing my hand on his arm to gain his attention. “Are you okay? Have you been around kids before? You sound like you have experience.” Look at me go, being all empathetic and shit. See? I can do this relationship stuff.
“I had a little sister. There was ten years between us. She was a surprise to my parents. They called her a mistake, but I loved her, and I practically raised her since my mother didn’t give a shit about her once she gave birth.”
“Why did she? Why didn’t she just terminate the pregnancy?” I ask, curious to know more about the man I am so in love with.
“She couldn’t afford to. All their spare money went to drugs. I don’t even know if she was my dad’s child since Mom regularly took johns to keep the money rolling in. They didn’t care enough to name her. They told me to do it because she wasnow my responsibility. They were going to get money from the government for her, and that was all that mattered.” He pauses, seeming to gather his thoughts.
“Sissy was special. Mom used drugs during her entire pregnancy, so she was born early and went through withdrawals. They didn’t expect her to survive, and I was the only one sad about that, but she did, and when she eventually came home, she didn’t like to be put down. I would wear her in a harness on my chest so her crying wouldn’t upset my parents.”
“How old were you? What about school? What did you do?” I pepper him with questions, absolutely horrified at the complete opposites of our childhoods. Despite my father being the head of one of the most ruthless mafia families on the west coast, he still went out of his way to make sure that Gio and I had a fairly normal upbringing.
“I missed a lot for the first six months after Sissy was born, but child protective services paid us a visit and scared the shit out of Mom and Dad. They got her into a subsidized childcare program—not that either of them held down full-time or regular work—but Sissy was a sickly kid, and one day, when she was about four, she came home from child care and had caught another cold. I tried to get my parents to take her to the doctors, but they refused to spend the money, insisting she’d get over it in time. The cold turned to pneumonia, and by the time they got her to the hospital for treatment, it was too late. Her lungs were already underdeveloped from being a preemie. She didn’t survive.” A tear rolls down his cheek, and my heart aches for this beautiful man. If his parents weren’t already dead, I would chase them down and make them guests in one of my basements.
“That’s when the small amount of affection I still had for my parents died and my usefulness to them changed. I was fourteen, and I became a new means of income for them. I ran away a fewtimes, but the police kept bringing me back to them, even when I told them what they were doing to me. They just didn’t care.”
My temper burns hot, and I add the police to the list of people I want to destroy in Sage’s name. I grab his hand and give it a squeeze, but I allow him a moment of silence while he relives his past. The plane door closes, then it taxis out onto the runway and lines up for takeoff by the time he takes a deep breath and wipes a few stray tears from his cheeks.
“Sissy, despite being sick, was such a bright spark. I don’t know how two druggy assholes like my parents managed to produce two above average intelligent kids, but she was quick-witted and funny and had a way about her that made you smile and laugh. So yeah, I can see the appeal of children. They make life interesting.”
I scoff and roll my eyes. “Because our life isn’t interesting enough.”
We fall into an awkward silence, the noise of takeoff making it difficult to maintain a normal volumed conversation, but by the time we even out and the seatbelt sign goes off, Sage hasn’t given up.
He shakes his head, and I see pity in his eyes. “But not in the same way. There are innocence and joy in children that is sorely missing from our lives, Tori. I also understand why you think children do not belong in your life, but your dad seemed to make it work.”
Jesus, Sage is insistent. Does he want me to have a baby? Because that is not going to fucking happen. I would make a terrible mother. Is our relationship doomed before it has even really started?
“Did he though? Gio and I are both so messed up. Gio because he wants and craves a normal life, which is just not going to be possible, and look at me. Blood and violence get me off. That’s not normal.”
The flight attendant blanches when she hears my words, but she quickly assumes a professional expression and offers us a glass of champagne. I take one in each hand, and although she can’t stop the raised eyebrows, she doesn’t say a word. I down one quickly before returning it to the tray, and I place the second next to me. Sage takes one and politely thanks the flight attendant before dismissing her by turning back to me.
“Tori, you may be a little bent, but I don’t think you’re completely broken. I think you just need a group of people around you to show you that you are loved and capable of love—a group of people who don’t want anything from you except to be with you.”
I think back to what Suzy and Ben told me when they encouraged the same thing. Maybe I do, and maybe the others can be that for me, but background checks need to come first.
I don’t argue with him, nor do I agree, and Sage knows me well enough to drop it.
The flight is uneventful, and we hire a car on the other end. It’s nothing as flashy as we usually drive, and Sage grumbles at the handling and acceleration, but we make it to our hotel in one piece. Again, to keep with the theme of staying under the radar, we check in under our aliases, and the hotel is a solid three star, unlike our usual five star tastes. When we get to the room, there is only one bed—a very big bed that could probably sleep more than just the two of us, but we both kind of pause for a moment and stare at it.
After contemplating sharing a bed with Sage and deciding I’m excited by it, I find him looking at me with concern and biting his lip nervously like he’s waiting for me to lose my shit. Instead, I toss my backpack on the right side.
“Dibs, and I hope you don’t snore,” I say lightly before sitting on the bed and groaning at the lack of bounce. “Ugh, it’s a bit harder than I like it.” I bend down, unzip my boots, and pullthem off. I went for comfy, casual, and discrete clothes for this trip, but I strip them all off until I’m down to a pair of panties. I stretch out and look over to find him grinning.
“That’s not what you usually say.” He winks playfully before dropping his own carry on. He then grabs the other bags from outside the door and drags them inside, leaving them out of the way before joining me on the bed. He toes off his shoes then quickly strips down to his briefs, exposing all his delightfully naked skin to my closely watching eyes before he puts his hands behind his head and closes his eyes. “Oof, you’re right, it isn’t great. Luckily we’re only here for a night or two.”
I yawn, stretching and rolling to snuggle into his body. One of his arms wraps around me, pulling me tightly against him like he’s trying to mold my body into his. The heat of his skin sinks into mine, making me feel sleepy and content. It’s still morning, but I don’t want to head out until later tonight once the club opens. For now, catching up on sleep sounds like a pretty solid idea, since both of us are running on empty. “Love you,” I mumble into his chest before pressing a kiss to his pec. His hand tightens on my hip, and I hear him gasp slightly.
“I will never tire of hearing you say that,” he replies as I drift off to sleep, feeling safe and comfortable and loved for the first time in a very long time.
We sleep soundly all day, and when I finally wake, we’re no longer wrapped in each other’s arms. I’m turned away from him on my stomach, my arm hanging over the side of the bed. I frown and turn my head to find Sage spread out like a fucking champion, taking up every spare inch of the mattress. “Well, that’s just fucking great,” I grumble as I slide my legsoff and sit up. “I should have guessed you’d be a bed hog.” He doesn’t move, but his breath blows a stray curl that has fallen across his mouth. He wrinkles his nose as it falls back down, tickling his cheek. It’s so fucking adorable that I smile, making it hard to stay annoyed with him. I lean over and push it behind his ear, and his frown smooths out as his mouth drops open in a quiet snore.
Rolling my eyes, I get up and head for the shower, groaning at all the aches and pains in my body. Damn it, I must have slept cramped up in that tiny space for a while. How did I not wake up when we shifted?
I remove my panties and turn the shower on, waiting for it to steam up the tiny bathroom before stepping in. At least this hotel has hot running water. I moan in relief as the water washes over my body, easing some of the aches. As my body wakes up, so does my mind. I start running over a list of things that I need to do in my head, ignoring all the other issues niggling in the back of my mind.
