Having him at my house with me, with Enyo happily purring nearby, it felt like all I’d ever wanted. Maybe it was the universe giving me my dream. Though I probably didn’t have enough time to worry about him leaving. Maybe itwasmy happiness, the happiness I got before it was all over. At least I’d been granted that mercy. I tried to push it out of my mind and just enjoy the moments I had.
We tried to watch a movie on the couch after dinner, but I was really tired and I ended up falling asleep on his shoulder. I was vaguely aware that he put his arm around me, and barely remembered him helping me to bed.
???
It was the middle of the night and the house was dark when I woke up. I could feel Mason beside me. Enyo didn’t seem to be in bed with us. I wasn’t sure what had woken me, until Mason stirred and said, “No!”
“Mason?” I whispered, and turned toward him. I stopped cold when I realized we weren’t alone in the room. The room was dark, the door closed so even the nightlight didn’t penetrate the shadows, but I could see someone hovering over Mason’s side of the bed. A shadow darker than the others. It was possible I felt it more than I saw it, but it seemed like someone, orsomething, was looking down at him.No. Not Mason. You can have me but youcan’t have him.
My irrational anger at something I didn’t understand mixed with my sleep-induced paranoia made me unwaveringly brave, and I sat up and flicked on the lamp. Whatever was there disappeared in the light, though I caught a hint of a shadow before it was gone. At the same time, Mason called out, “Brady, no, please! I’m sorry!” I realized he’d been dreaming and hadn’t even reacted to whatever had been standing beside him.
He jerked awake and squinted as he looked around, trying to shield his eyes with his hand as he attempted to reorient himself. He finally focused on me. “Elijah?”
“You were having a bad dream, I think. I mean, I thought... you were talking in your sleep and I wasn’t sure what was going on. Sorry about the light.”
He dropped his hand from his face, but even though his eyes were still half closed, I could see the brokenness in them. I got a good look at the hollowed-out, haunted look on his face that he tried to cover in public. He looked like he was about to cry.
“Was...” I started tentatively. “Was Brady your partner?” He closed his eyes and nodded. “Do you dream about it a lot?” My heart was breaking for him. He didn’t talk about it much, but he probably needed to. He’d distracted himself with my plight and protecting me, but sometimes I forgot that he was home because he’d been broken so badly he nearly ended it. Had I even acted like I cared? He nodded again in answer to my question. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He opened his eyes but didn’t speak at first, just stared at my ceiling. I didn’t push him. I wasn’t sure he trusted me completely yet. We’d been so close, and though it felt like meeting up with my best friend again, the one I’d lost back in elementary school, there was still all the time we weren’t friends. The time in which I’d had no trust in him, and though he’d caused my mistrust, he may not have trusted me either.
He finally spoke, but his voice shook. “He wanted to wait.” He hesitated again, and I put my hand on his arm but didn’tsay anything, didn’t press for more. He finally dragged his eyes to mine. “I told him there wasn’t enough time. If we waited for backup, they’d be long gone. We were good at our job. It was two on two, and even though they were seasoned killers, I really thought we’d outsmart them. They were already running from us.”
He paused again and looked away.
“But they weren’t really running, they’d just outsmartedme. He still wanted to wait. He was smarter than I was. But I went in without him. It was my fault. It wasn’t that I talked him into going in, like everyone assumes, I just didn’t leave him a choice. His choice was to leave me alone, two against one where I’d most certainly be killed, or to follow me. I knew he’d follow me. He never would have willingly let me sacrifice myself... like I did him.” A broken sob escaped and I moved over to put an arm around him.
I wasn’t sure what to say. It wasn’t a situation I’d ever been in. Mason stayed on his back, staring at the ceiling, but he put a hand on my arm as though I was grounding him, keeping him tethered to earth. “Do you really think he’d want you to sit here blaming yourself like this?” I finally asked him.
Silent tears were flowing from his eyes but he still didn’t look at me. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “Because it’s my fault.”
“I want you to truly think about your partner,” I said firmly. “The man who was like a brother to you, and who was doing his best to serve and protect when he died. You said you stopped them, right?”
He nodded. “My shot killed the one who shot Brady. Brady hit the other one in the leg, and he was apprehended trying to leave, by the backup Brady wanted to wait on. He saw the guy aiming at me and fired. The other one got him when he did.”
“Together, you stopped them,” I said softly. “And Brady, this is the man you said was your best friend. Your wingman. And I have no doubts that you would have followed him in and risked your life just like he did if the situation had been reversed.”
“Yeah, but it wasn’t.”
“But don’t you think he knew you would have? Don’t you think he knew that sometimes people make decisions that don’t turn out like they planned? Was it the right call in the end? I don’t know. Because if you hadn’t gone in, and you hadn’t both shot them, would they have been caught that night? Would they have killed more people in the time they were free? Would they still be free, still out there, still running? Brady risked his life to do his job. He was protecting you, but he was protecting future victims too, just like you were. You both wanted to stop them. And I know the call you made didn’t end like you wanted it to, but you can’t change the past, Mason. You both chose to run into that building, and I truly believe, just from what you’ve told me, that he forgave you. I think he’d want you to forgive yourself.”
Mason finally looked back at me. He stared into my eyes for a long time, but even though I was good at reading him, I couldn’t figure out what he was thinking. He finally moved and pulled me practically on top of him into a tight hug. “How did I ever survive all those years without you?” he whispered.
Trying to ease the heaviness, I just said, “Honestly? I have no idea.”
He laughed a teary laugh and kissed the top of my head. “I’m sorry, Elijah,” he said, for what must be the thousandth time.
“You said that already,” I replied, pulling my head up to look at him with a little smile.
“I know,” he sighed. “But I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop.”
He was holding onto so much guilt from so many things that I wondered how he managed to function. He must have put everything into his work, just to make it all disappear. That was what he was still doing, except now his work was protecting me. “Yes you can,” I said, looking him in the eye. “Youcanstop. You need to let it all go. What happened with us was a long time ago. I hear you. I know you were a dumb kid who made dumb decisions, because I was a dumb kid who made dumb decisions too.I’ll make more of them, even as an adult. You’renotthat Mason, and I know that now. I forgive you, I really do. Completely. Please, forgive yourself, okay?”
He crushed me back to his chest, choking back a sob. We lay there like that for a while, his hand rubbing my back, until I finally let my hand slowly slide lower. I gave him plenty of time to stop me if he wasn’t in the mood, but he didn’t. I slipped my hand into the pajama pants he was wearing and grabbed his soft cock, feeling it rapidly harden in my hand as I stroked it up and down his shaft. “Mm...” was all he said.
I licked my lips and glanced at him before sitting up and tugging on his waistband. He moved his hips up so I could slide the pants halfway down his thighs, and with no further preamble, I lowered my mouth to his dick. He moaned as I took him into my mouth, and his hand found the back of my head, but he didn’t grab my hair or try to direct me, he just rested it there.
He was fully hard as I worked him, moving up and down and following his thick vein with my tongue. He rubbed my head and breathed out, “Fuck, Elijah.” I moaned, taking him even further, letting his dick hit the back of my throat even though I gagged. It twitched in my mouth when I did, and I could already taste precum. I was hard too, but it was about Mason this time. I wanted to make him feel better. I wanted him to know it was time to let go of the bad parts of our past.
