Before Elijah could answer my question, a one-eyed cat ran out of a room off the small hallway beyond the living room, darting over to him and rubbing against his legs. It paused when it saw me, but with a sniff in my direction, walked over and rubbed against my legs too.
Elijah’s eyes widened slightly and his mouth opened the tiniest bit. He looked at the cat, then me. I watched as a hint of suspicion dissipated from his eyes.Okay, whatever it took. I bent down and scratched the cat’s head. It was kind of cute, actually, and nicer than my mom’s cat at least.
Elijah cleared the surprise from his face and said, “It was nothing. I’m just drunk.” He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a mint out of his cabinet, popping it into his mouth and crunching it as he opened the bag of cat food. He put some in a dish on the floor and grabbed the water bowl beside it, dumping it and filling it with fresh water. The cat followed him, purring loudly as it started to eat. Elijah finally turned back to me. “Why the hell are you in my house?”
“Because I wanted to make sure you got in okay. And because whatever happened in the driveway was weird as hell.”
He scoffed. “Yeah, well,I’mweird as hell, remember? Idon’t need your help. I can take care of myself.” I snorted and he went on, voice rising slightly. “I’ve done just fine on my own for this long. I think I can handle one drunken night! Why are you so surprised that I did something you think is weird? You called me weird too, just like them. Youhatedme because I was so weird. You hated me because I was gay and had the first of many stupid, dumb crushes on the biggest assholes I could find. And trust me, it came back to bite me every single time, starting with you. So you can fuck right off and leave me the hell alone, Mason Hale. Justleave me alone.”
It hurt. It pierced my heart, but I deserved it, and I was pretty sure he’d needed to say it. I would let him get it all out, and I wouldn’t stop him. Whatever he needed to say or do. “I know I was a piece of shit. You can hit me if you want to.Iwould hit me. I hate me. I hate myself for what I did to you. I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t change anything and that you won’t be able to forgive me, but I am. So much more than you know. And I want you to hear it because I never said it back then, even though I felt it in my soul every day.”
He walked right up to me and shoved me. Touching me this time didn’t seem to give him the same reaction it had in the driveway. “Fuck you, Mason! Fuck your apology. You were my best friend growing up. Myonlyfriend a lot of the time. The person I trusted most in the world. And you turned on me practically overnight! I didn’t know why you hated me all of a sudden. You had better friends, and it was like I never existed to you. You let them torment me for years, then you let them humiliate me completely. You, of all people, hit me. You told me I was disgusting.” He shoved me again and he was crying, which I was pretty sure pissed him off even more. “You hated me because I was gay. I couldn’t help that I liked you. All I could do was hope that some of the Mason I knew was still in there, but he wasn’t.” He hit my chest. “You were just another one of them. An asshole who hated me for something I couldn’t help.”
I let him pound his fists into my chest a few more times until he stopped with them still balled there, taking a gaspingbreath as another sob slipped out. I took his wrists gently and pulled them off my chest, but I didn’t let him go. “I didn’t hate you because you were gay, Elijah. Fuck, did you really not see? Did you really not know?”
He paused, but didn’t try to pull his wrists away. “Knowwhat? What the hell are you talking about?”
Tears were still silently making their way down his cheeks. I knew it was a bad idea, but what was one more in my life? He was drunk enough he might let me get away with it, but if he punched me, that would be okay too. I let go of one of his wrists and grabbed his chin, gently but firmly. I didn’t even care that he’d just puked in the driveway. I moved forward before either of us could contemplate what was happening. “I was just scared,” I whispered, right before I brought my lips to his.
Elijah stood there, frozen, as I kissed him. His entire body stiffened, one wrist still in my grip and the other balled in a fist in front of him like he may still need to punch me. I pulled back, looking him in his wide eyes. “I was terrified because I liked you too. And I’msorry.”
He stood frozen in place, staring at me as seconds of silence ticked by. Suddenly he moved. He shoved me hard enough that I took a step backwards. “No! You don’t get to do that. You don’t get to come say you’re sorry then out of nowhere tell me that you liked me too. Andkissme? What thefuck, Mason?” He stomped a foot in fury as he stood there, eyes wild and confused.
“I’m sorry I was a coward,” I said quietly. “I didn’t know what to do with my own feelings.”
His eyes found mine again, as though trying to read me. “You don’t get to just come in and blindside me with... with...” He shoved me again, but as I stumbled back he caught my shirt in his hands and pulled me forward again, fisting all the material he could grab as he yanked me toward him. I tried to catch myself as I fell forward, but he moved toward me and our lips crashed together. His mouth moved with mine this time.
I tentatively licked at his lips and he opened them, our tongues tangling together as violently as our lips had met. Itwas the sloppiest, most aggressive kiss I’d ever had. My fuel was desperation, because I’d carried pent-up desire for Elijah since middle school. His fuel was most definitely anger. That was even more clear when he bit the hell out of my lip and made me cry out in pain. It made me even hotter for him, though, and I started pushing him backwards even with our mouths still locked together.
I moved as we slowly walked through the living room, biting his neck as hard as he’d bit my lip. “Ow, fuck!” he cried, but then he bit the shit out of my jaw and I growled as I picked him up off the floor. He kicked in my grip as I made an educated guess on my direction, since the house wasn’t that big. I licked a strip up his neck, making him shiver and pause his struggle in my arms.
I turned to the left in the small hallway, noticing an open bathroom door to my right. Then I made what was probably a really dumb, selfish decision, because though he was a little less drunk than he had been at the bar, he was still hammered. He might not be able to think completely clearly, but he already had me hard as hell and I could feel that he was too. I stepped through the doorway with him, pleased to find a dimly lit room with a full-sized bed. Dumb, selfish decisions were my specialty.
I carried him right to his bed and tossed him onto it, pausing to see how he’d react. He sat there for a second, only slightly confused, but then he was up on his knees and grabbing my shirt again. He pulled my mouth back to his. I touched him on his side, but let my hand slide over to his belly and then lower, and even though it had probably escalated way too fast, I gripped his hard dick through his jeans and he moaned into my mouth.
I pulled back and shoved him backwards onto the bed, but he still had my shirt in his fists, and he didn’t let go. He pulled me down on top of him. I grunted at the fall, but immediately found his lips with my own again before he could tell me to stop. I ground down onto his erection with my own and he moaned again, moving his hips up to meet my movements. It wasn’t enough. Our jeans were in the way.
I sat up, still straddling him, and whipped my shirt over my head. He sat up too, and I didn’t wait to find out why. I grabbed the bottom of his shirt and pulled it off before he even knew I was coming for him. He moved clumsily, but he seemed to be trying to keep up, not stop me. He dropped back down to his pillows and looked up at me.
“Damn, you’ve been working out,” I couldn’t help saying. Instead of answering, he shoved his hips upward again, trying to find the friction I’d denied him. I just grinned and reached for the button of his jeans. As soon as they were undone, I moved back and yanked them off him, pulling his shoes off with them. His underwear went next, and suddenly the boy who’d haunted my fantasies was lying bare beneath me on a bed. He was fucking beautiful. His dick stood at attention, long and thin likehealways had been, though he’d bulked up since I last saw him. Precum glistened at the tip as I drank him in. “Fuck,” I groaned, and as I dropped my head down I saw his eyebrows shoot up and his mouth drop open before I took his dick in my mouth.
“Oh,fuck, Mason.” He sounded as bewildered as he was turned on. I just hummed and sucked his dick like I needed to pull snake venom out of it. It was as aggressive as our kiss had been as I let my teeth graze his shaft with every pull and shoved my tongue into the slit. He wasn’t complaining. His head fell back onto his pillow and his hand fisted in my hair. “Fuck.”
I glanced down at his balls, the ones I’d kneed him in that day in the gym. I popped off his dick and moved to lick and kiss them reverently.I’m sorry I hurt you.He lifted his head to look at me, and I wasn’t sure he understood, but I thought he did. I met his eyes for a second, then went back to work on his dick.
He let me keep going for a few minutes, and I wasn’t sure if that was because he was in shock or if he would let it continue. I dared to look up his body as I worked, and all the little sounds he was making were washing over me like maybe they could take away some of the stains of my past. It was everything I’d ever wanted, and the only way to let him know I really meant my words. Even though I was far from receiving his forgiveness,I was at least working for it.
Elijah lifted his head as I looked up, but as soon as his eyes met mine he became demanding. “Use your finger.” It wasn’t a question or a suggestion. He was still pissed and he knew he had the upper hand. I popped off his dick and sat up slowly. He yanked open his nightstand drawer. I couldn’t stop my eyes from widening as I noticed the lime-green dildo in there, but he grabbed a bottle of lube as he side-eyed me and slammed the drawer shut. “Shut the fuck up. I have needs, okay? And the only guys I ever end up with are pieces of shit who don’t stick around for long.” I knew I was specifically being included in that group, but I ignored it and took the lube from him.
I lubed a finger and went right back to sucking his dick, effectively shutting up anything else he might have said. I maneuvered so I could get my finger where it needed to go. My dick was throbbing in my pants, but he deserved whatever he wanted after how I’d treated him. I pressed my finger inside him slowly, moving it around for only a few seconds before I found my mark. As soon as he jerked, I kept going for that spot. His legs were trembling and I could taste precum on my tongue. “Fuck,” he panted. “How do you know how to...”
I popped off his dick again to lube another finger, because that dildo was pretty big, and I was pretty sure one finger wasn’t going to do it for him. As I pressed both fingers in, still sitting up and looking down at him, I answered the question he hadn’t finished. “I’m not a fucking virgin, Elijah.”
He looked surprised for a split second, but I was hitting just right and he started pressing back on my fingers with a moan. “With a guy?” It came out a whisper.
I grinned, deciding to add one more finger. I lubed it and pressed back in, hitting his prostate hard, over and over. “Yes, with a guy.” There was a hint of laughter in my voice. “I told you I was terrified because I liked you too. What, did you think I was lying?”
There was a bead of sweat above his brow, and he was still pressing back despite how aggressive the thrust of my hand was. “I don’t really know what to think,” he managed to get out on a whine. He moved back suddenly, pulling off of my fingers as he sat up. I thought he’d come to his senses and my time was up. I sat back and started to apologize again.
