I give his hands a reassuring squeeze. “I’m comfortable with all parts of you, Charlie.”
That’s when he releases his grip on my hand. “No, Rhoswen. You’re able to say that about the me you know,now. The man who knows how to be gentle. How to listen. How to talk. The one who is willing to put in the effort with a relationship to impress a pretty woman.”
“You have. You do.”
He leans forward and presses his finger against my lips. “Let me talk. I need to be completely transparent.”
I’m certain he can feel the deep breath I take against his finger. I hold my breath for a second to steady my heartbeat. As I do, I realize, this is real.
This is serious.
Whatever he’s about to share will fundamentally shift who we are to each other.
Sliding my legs off the couch so he can notch himself between them, I lean forward. “Talk to me, Charlie. What’s on your mind?”
His head falls between his shoulders. “This—” he gestures between the two of us. “—isn’t casual for me, my little coo.”
Immediately the ice that was starting to form around my heart thaws. “It’s not for me either.”
His eyes shut as if the exquisite pain of hearing that is too much for this battle scarred man. Still, the tension doesn’t leave him. “I’m…overjoyed to hear that.”
“Then why don’t you look like it?” I prod.
“Because if we both feel that way, it means I owe you something.”
Immediately, I protest. “I don’t need anything!”
Now, a crooked smile twists his lips. “You deserve it.”
“The only thing I deserve in this relationship is the truth.”
“That’s what I’m trying to give you.”
My mouth goes dry. “Are you saying you haven’t been honest with me?”
“I have. I just haven’t shared this.”
“Is…is there someone else?”
His expression adopts a weary tenderness that almost breaks me. “Rhoswen, the problem isn’t someone else. It’s that once I tell you this, I’m terrified of losing you.”
Indignant, I demand, “Why would you think you could lose me?” Then I catch the vulnerability in his expression and my tone softens, “Charlie?”
“My past is…well, a mess is putting it lightly. And before we go one step further in this relationship, you need to start understanding it.”
“Charlie, we all have pasts.”
He barks out a laugh. “Not like mine.”
I bob my head from side to side. Knowing he’s a former SEAL, I appreciate his statement. But when he takes my left hand and rubs his thumb over the base of my bare ring finger, the unsettled feeling returns. “I’ve been married.”
I’m taken aback, not because it occurred but because it’s never come up. “Oh. So have I. Post college mistake. One and done for me. You?”
He doesn’t answer. Interpreting that as his answer, I surmise, “More than once.”
He nods. He taps a finger against the back of my hand over and over. I think he’s keeping time with the music until the song changes and his finger keeps the same tempo.
One-two-three-four-five
