“But you’re having problems letting go of the past?” Emery sympathizes.
“Yes. No.”
Maya demands, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I don’t have a problem letting go of the past because I’m not certain I fell out of love with him.”
“What about your parents?” Christin frowns.
“Mom asked me if I still have feelings for him. I think Dad’s sharpening his gardening tools.” I pause for a moment. “I think I’ll wait a bit before reintroducing them.”
“Good call.”
Emery asks, “So, you’re certain this is for real?”
“You’ve talked about everything?” Maya presses.
I don’t even have to think about the answer. “Yes, this is for real and yes, we spent all morning talking through our feelings.
Silence descends on the call as they contemplate the answer. I swipe at a tear. “Forgiving him doesn’t mean I’ll ever forget what happened. But I love him. I always have.”
“And you always will,” Maya murmurs.
“I guess I just got scared of what I was feeling and needed all of you.”
“I think it makes you human,” Christin remarks.
“I agree,” Emery voices.
Maya nods. “Totally.”
Christin reminds me, “You don’t have to have all the answers today.”
“I know.”
“Even if you thought you did, love that endures comes from choosing it. Every single day.” Her lips roll together as she tries to keep her composure. Christin is dealing with her own issues at the moment, but unlike me, she doesn’t have years in between her heartbreak and reckoning.
“It’s not a matter of being enough. It’s a matter of being real.”
Christin nods slowly. “So what are you risking?”
I don’t answer right away. I think about the way Brennan listens now. The way he pauses. The way he owns his fear instead of letting it steer him.
“Everything,” I say honestly. “But it’s worth it. So is he.”
Emery blows me a kiss. “Then that sounds like you already know what you want.”
“It’s not your job to live your life defined by what happened eight years ago, Amy. You learned from it. So did he. Isn’t that what you tell your students when they make a mistake?” Maya reminds me.
“Again with someone other than me being right,” Christin drawls.
I’m quiet before I gather up the courage to ask something I know only these women will be truthful about. “What if this breaks me again?”
Maya’s answer is immediate. “Then you’ll survive. We’ll have your back, again.”
Christin’s more daring. “If he’s different—and we sure as hell know you are—you’re giving him a gift he never truly expected.”
“What’s that?”
