“Oh.” She cocks her head back. “Like how you told me you left after he started making you wear jeans to your statistics class because he swore your professor wanted to fuck you?”
She asks the question as if I didn’t beg AJ not to throw my skirts and shorts in the campus donation bin.
I swallow and look out of the shop’s windows for Rich, but he’s long gone and I don’t understand why I can hear his voice in my head telling me I’m tough even though we’re nothing to each other.
“Or like how you left when he made you cut your braids out as soon as you got to New York?”
As if I didn’t sit on our bathroom floor bawling while he watched me do it.
I should tell her about all the times she cried on my shoulder over her dumbass exes, but I can’t because Rich is a liar. I’m not tough at all—just really fuckin broken.
“Or like that time he poured a drink on you and dragged you out of Meechie’s party by your hair beca?—”
“You don’t have to throw every mistake I made in my face.”
She tosses the hair down and puts her hand on her hip. “I’m not throwing anything in your face. I’m reminding you of all the times you dragged me into you and AJ’s shit, talking about you were ‘leaving him’ and I ended up getting fucked over in the end and looking stupid for supporting you when you call me talking about you and him ‘worked it out.’ He threw away your fuckin FIT application knowing how much that master’s program meant to you! I was gonna fly up there and beat his ass for that! How do I know this ain’t one of those?—”
“Okay, I get it! I was stupid!”
Her body jolts.
I don’t even recognize my voice. It’s raspy and full of resentment after arguing with Rich on the side of the road while he looked down at me like a proud daddy.
“I get it,” I croak. “I was really stupid…but I’m not going back.”
“You tryna convince me or yourself?”
“I…I…I’m not trying to convince either of us. It’s the truth.”
She takes a cautious step toward me, narrowing her eyes.
I shake my head, looking away.
I just need her to see me in the same way that Rich did—as if I’m still normal—as if it’s okay that I was too scared to ever fight back, but I get it. She can’t trust me anymore. Aunt Faye used to tell me that a person only had so many times to go back on their word, and I think I’ve gone back on mine one too many times with Terrica.
“I think I should bring you to Faye,” she mutters, picking her keys up from the counter behind her chair. “Tell me where she is and I’ll bring you there.”
The inside of Terrica’s Beamer smells stale even with the Black Ice air freshener dangling from her rearview mirror.
She curls her fingers around the steering wheel and stares straight ahead at her shop. “Where do I need to take you?”
“I told Faye I’d spend the day with you.”
“Yeah, and I’m asking you where I should take you.”
“I…” I glance down at my bandaged fingers sitting in my lap. “I don’t know.”
“Look, I can’t cancel my twelve o’clock. I already canceled enough appointments to take Mama back and forth to the doctor. I ain’t canceling another one just to sit here and go back and forth with you.”
I whip my head toward her and try to catch her eyes, but she won’t look at me. She’s not like Rich. She doesn’t need eye contact no matter how uncomfortable the conversation is.
“Can we at least talk?” I ask.
“About what? About how youleftAJ for the tenth time.” She tosses her fingers up, curling them into air quotes. “Congratulations. I’m happy you finally realized that a man who controls every breath you take ain’t a man that loves you. Now please tell me where I can take you so I won’t miss my appointment.”
“Wow.” I belt out a bitter laugh. “Thanks for the encouragement, I guess.”
She slaps the steering wheel and whips her head toward me. “You know what, Lovie. I picked up the phone to call and tell you they was gon’ cut Mama’s foot off only to find out you had blocked me.”
