I hold in the rest of my tears.
Who knew there was so much crying involved at the pinnacle of a fighter’s life?
I reach over to grab my phone again, but Arnez pushes her arm between us.
“But I saw him and I did something really embarrassing. I cried in front of him. Can you believe that, baby?” Slim asks in disbelief. “He taught me this trick to make it less embarrassing, though. He says Arnez used to do it. I’d tell you, but I don’t think I’m even supposed to know about it.”
Arnez cuts her eyes at me. They trace over my face and body as I sink back into the passenger seat while the messages keep playing.
“I guess I’m never beating those Myra Monkhouse allegations, huh? Anyway, I hope you’re enjoyingOzark. I wish I was at home with you so I can hold you during this terrible, ugly weather. I know how much you hate it when it rains. I need to go to bed, though. There’s something I need to take care of tomorrow.” She sighs. “I love you, Mr. Lovelace.”
Her casual confession hits me harder than any punch I’ve ever taken.
She said she loves me.
I open my mouth and try to take a breath, but it’s useless. I still can’t breathe.
I feel Arnez’s eyes on me while my heart stutters in that scary beat only Slim controls. It pitter-patters in a wild dance that makes me dizzy.
I reach out and grab the dashboard while I try to remember what I even did to make her feel such a crazy thing for a stupid ass man like me.
“Pup?” Arnez whispers.
“You…you only have two minutes before it goes away. You need to keep that.”
“Pup, are you ok?—”
“I said keep it,” I grunt, digging my fingernails into the dashboard.
A hot tear falls onto my arm and sinks into my skin while a heavy silence sits between us.
“Do you…” she whispers, letting her voice trail off. “Do you feel that way about her too?”
I follow a fat raindrop as it races down the windshield while Slim’s message replays in my head.
“I can’t remember the last time I ate, but I remember yesterday at 10:20 Lovie sent me a text saying she had plain oatmeal for breakfast because it was the only thing she could stomach. I can’t remember what the fuck I put on yesterday, but I know the last time I saw Lovie she had on a Worthing Boxing Gym sweatshirt, black leggings, and boots. I know what scares her and what haunts her. I know what pisses her off. I know what it feels like to make love to her, and I know she knows I’ve never been in love before, so she’s been holding my hand and walking me through this these past few days.”
The front windshield blurs and I blink to clear my vision, but more stupid, burning tears fall. “There’s…there’s a part of my brain that Senior ain’t nurture on purpose because it was the only way he could turn me into what I am. And Lovie is so damn meddlesome that she poked at that part so damn much until she figured out how to open it and nurture it herself. And now that it’s open, I don’t know how I was ever living with it closed like that. I’m…I’m fuckin crying right now. You ever seen me cry before?”
I turn toward Arnez and find her staring at me with her eyebrows pinched together and tears streaming down her face.
“I know it’s not her that you hate—it’s the situation. She blew into my life like Faye blew into Senior’s, shaking up shit and…and it’d be pretty fuckin selfish of me to fall in love with her when I took?—”
“Go,” she mutters. “Go get her.”
“Nez…”
She sits my phone on the middle console and reaches over, pressing her cold fingers into my cheek.
She swipes her thumb across it. “Never mind what I think.”
“I’m not forgetting about our problem or ignoring it. It’s just?—”
“You need her with you to weather this storm. I get it.”
“Yeah, but not just this storm. I need her with me for all of ‘em.”
She nods, dropping her hand. “Love looks good on you, Pup.”
