The city grows quiet in the background, and I hear the familiar “Hey, how are ya?” from the security guard outside the Liberty Tower. It was the same greeting he gave me when I had strolled inside with my bruised rib and signed in under the alias Yessenia gave me.
“So you mean to tell me that AJ and his people are chasing you across the continental USA and you’re over there talking about you think you fell in love with another man? I mean…it is a man, right?”
“Yessi…”
“It’s a fair question.”
“Yes, it’s a man.”
She scoffs. “It’s only been a month. How could you possibly fall in love in a month?”
A wave of warmth rolls through my body, and all I see are Rich’s dark eyes, and all I feel are his rough hands on my skin trying to shoo away that mucky feeling that just won’t stay away.
“So what’s wrong with him?” she asks.
“What?”
“What’s wrong with this dude you say you’re in love with?”
“Who says anything has to be wrong with him for me to feel this way?”
“Ramiro was an alcoholic I thought I could turn into a sober Mr. Right. AJ had so much childhood trauma from his dysfunctional, perfectionist family that you let him turn you into his punching bag while you tried to do everything in your powerto fix the parts of him that his parents broke. I’m not gonna sit here and pretend that we have the best taste in men. So what’s wrong with this one? Huh?”
Rich’s secret squeezes my pounding heart. I hold on to it as tight as I can. I even try to push it to the back of my brain as if Yessenia can read my thoughts.
“So much that you would judge me for, and I don’t think I’d even be offended,” I reply breathlessly.
“Goddamn it, Lovie,” she hisses. “Please tell me he doesn’t know what you’ve been through with AJ? You know better than to tell him that. I always told you never to tell a man what you’ve been through.”
I glance at Ginger’s cat eyes and wispy tail swinging back and forth against the bathroom floor.
“He knows, doesn’t he?” Yessenia mutters. “You told him.”
“I didn’t. He just looked at me and knew.”
“Fuck.”
We both grow quiet. Ginger purrs over the music playing from the sunroom, and Yessenia’s heavy breaths make me wrap my arm around my body.
“I know you think I’m terrible, but this…this isn’t what I felt for AJ. This is something else.”
“I don’t think you’re terrible,” she whispers. “That would be pretty hypocritical of me to think that. So what’s the difference between the love we know and this new love you say you feel? What’s different?”
“I…I’ve been on this Earth for eighteen years without a mama and daddy. I’ve gone so long without a mama’s hugs, a daddy’s wisdom, and most of all without that unconditional love that only a parent can give you. I know my aunt loves me, Yessi, but when I’m in this man’s arms I feel everything I’ve been missing. He holds me in a way I haven’t experienced, that wisdom comes out of his mouth with ease, and I can tell himanythingand he’llstill look at me like I’m pure—as if I haven’t been tainted by another man’s fists—as if those fists didn’t break me down into a million little embarrassing pieces. He looks at me like I’m whole—like I’m perfect.”
A door slams in the distance, and the rowdy streets of New York City sneak their way back into the lulls of our conversation.
She sniffles. “You know I’m trying my damnedest to hate this dude, right?”
“That’s valid. That’sreallyvalid because I’ve tried my hardest to do the same.”
“So where is he now?”
“He made me leave him,” I murmur with a cracked voice. “He says I need to finish putting myself back together. He thinks he can’t give me the life I deserve. He thinks he’ll ruin my life because of all the bad he’s done. But he’s already inside me and I’m inside him. I have a piece of him that I can’t let go of. I came home so numb, and he taught me how to feel everything again. God, what would yourblanquitatherapist say about me?”
I swipe my wet nose as we both snicker.
“I…I think she’d say that maybe this guy is holding onto a piece of you just like you’re holding onto a piece of him. Maybe the piece he’s holding is the one you need to finish putting yourself back together, but what do I know? I still haven’t graduated from therapy.”
