All of her voice messages, good morning texts, and random reminders sit pinned at the very top of my text threads because she had become my everything before I could even stop it. All the boring shit I never thought I’d talk to a woman about consume our messages—what I ate for breakfast, how I felt about the last episode of Ozark I watched, how much longer it’d be before she could see me again, and if I really thought she was as nerdy and obsessive as Myra Monkhouse.
I pull her head closer into my chest. “You happy now? Hm? I’m not playing daddy to no other baby birds. It’s just you—onlyyou. It’s only been you since I laid eyes on you and it’ll only be you after everything is said and done.”
She lets out another restless grumble.
“Hush,” I mutter.
My phone vibrates in my hand, and Faye’s name pops up like she knows I’m stalling and putting off the inevitable.
I stare at it until it stops vibrating and starts again. My thumb hovers over the green button while Slim takes a deep, staggered breath in her sleep. I finally answer the call, and it hurts, but it’s probably all in my head.
“Rich?” Faye mutters before I can bring the phone to my ear. “Rich? You there?”
I drag it up, letting it hover near the side of my head.
“Faye…I…” I glance down at Slim’s body curled in my lap.
Static crackles while my words get tangled in my throat.
“I wanna—” I choke. “She…”
“I know, Junior. I’m not too far from Lucky’s. I figured she made it there when I couldn’t find her at your house. I’ll get her and take her back home with me.”
“I…” I choke out in a deep rasp. “I…I parked in the back.”
“Mhmm. I know. You just hang in there. I’m coming.”
“I…I?—”
“I know it hurts. God, I know it hurts and I know it’s heavy, but you’ll survive it.”
She hangs up and gives me all of two minutes to stare at Slim before she pulls into the spot where Arnez’s car had been parked.
My heart drops to my knees.
She pushes out of her car and rounds my truck, yanking the door handle.
“Junior…” Her muffled voice seeps through the glass like Arnez’s did.
“I know, Faye. Just…just give me a minute.”
“‘Kay…I’m ready whenever you are.”
I shake my head, and she holds up her hands. “I ain’t gonna rush you.”
There’s a soft understanding in her eyes as she looks off to the side into the empty field and for the first time in a long time, I remember the way her bloodcurdling screams bounced against the walls in our house while she begged Senior to let her keep him…to keep us…to keep the life she built with us. Me and Arnez listened from her room while Senior told Faye how silly she’d be to stay because he was just a dead man walking—all Lovelace men were.
“Fuck,” I murmur, stooping down and planting another kiss on Slim’s lips. “You gotta finish putting yourself back together, baby. Be selfish. Be fuckin selfish.”
She rustles around, burying her face closer into my chest, but she doesn’t wake up, and I’m still that same pussy that struggles to tell her “no” so I can’t even send her back to Chantilly while she’s awake. I don’t think I’ll survive it.
I push out of the truck with her dangling from my arms. Faye turns toward us, and I wait for her to say it—to tell me that this is what’s best for us, but she stays quiet and walks over to the passenger side of her car, opening the door.
Tears cloud my vision on the long walk to her car.
I cradle Slim to my chest. “She got sick earlier—threw up all her food. You might need to make her eat again when she wakes up. Get her a ginger ale or something.”
“I can do that,” Faye murmurs back.
