“Can I do that?” I ask.
She nods, and I put my lips back to her ear.
“Tell me I can.”
“You…you can.”
“You know what it means to belong to me, right?” I ask.
“Ye…yeah.”
“Then tell me.”
“It means I’m only yours. It means I can never be this open with any other man. It means I can never give another man all of me because you already own all of me.”
“Uh-huh, and it starts up here.” I smile against the shell of her ear and reach up, tapping her temple.
Then I push my dick as far inside her as I can until she squeals that sloppy mess of names that always comes out when I make her feel too good. It’s a mixture of all the different versions of me that nobody else gets but her—the real me, the raw me, and the me that exists above any other man who’s ever been in her life. That name she said she can’t associate with Tony is always sandwiched right in the middle like she’s fighting to keep it from coming out first, but we both know where it belongs.
It ain’t some vanity type shit like Red thinks. With Slim, it’s real. It’s what happens when I let the epitome of all my pussy problems crawl inside me and live there. It’s what happens when two broken people find each other and figure out they fit together perfectly. It’s what happens when I’m being that stupid ass man I’m always telling her about. Now I’m “Daddy” or “Mr. Lovelace” like she says, and I don’t know how to be anything but that for her.
I bite into my lip as a streak of wetness falls down my cheek. She catches it with her tongue before I even realize what it is.
“Fuck,” I grit out, squeezing my eyes shut.
“It’s okay,” she murmurs, pecking my face. “I won’t tell anybody.”
I guess this is what it means to make love—the emotions, the confessions, the deep sense of longing I feel in my chest for her even though I have her in my arms. Now I think I get it.
“Baby…” I grunt, ignoring my pounding heart.
“Uh-huh?”
“Close your eyes for me and listen. I gotta show you how to hold on to me.”
She closes them.
“One day I’ll be gone,” I choke out. “Do you understand that?”
“No,” she cries.
“I ain’t saying it’s gonna happen tomorrow or next week, but it’s gonna?—”
“Don’t say that.”
“But it’s the truth. My ending ain’t gon’ be any different from those other dudes your uncle tried to help. One day I’ll be just like them.” I lean forward, pressing my lips to her temple. “I’ll still be up here in your head, though. I’ll still be right here.”
“Ri—”
“Shhh. Listen.”
She nods, digging her nails into my arm.
“When you get that easy husband that you picked out, there’ll be some nights where you miss me so bad that it hurts right here.”
I lean down and scrape my lips against her chest.
“But you’re gonna close your eyes just like this, and when he climbs on top of you, you gon’ think of me…and every dip and curve of my dick you’re memorizing right now. You’re gonna think of my face…and…and my voice. Can you do that?”
