I want to call her up and tell her I’d take her anywhere in the world, but I can’t do it. Mom would have a fit if I took this experience away from her because all little ladies deserved a chance to experience parts of life without their men—even drunken college parties.
“I don’t know what you talking about,” I reply. “I’m not trying to pursue anything.”
He pinches his eyes shut. “Now is not the time for that secretive bull you like to ride on. She doesn’t know anything about life with you.”
“Damn. I didn’t know life with me was so hard.”
“Now look, I ain’t mean it that way, Junior.”
“Oh, now I’m Junior.” I laugh. “This is what you wanted me to leave class early for?”
Wrinkles pile between his eyebrows. I don’t remember seeing them there before Mom left.
“I just knew you wanted to talk about Blake Harvey or—or the fact that they’re saying Javier got an eleven million dollar rookie contract while I’m barely enrolled in college and riding the bench.”
“I told you I’d let you go about this Blake stuff alone. You want to be an adult and do adult things—here’s your chance. And you can’t deny that Javi’s an excellent player. Of course, he got that much.”
“Right. You made sure he was an excellent player, huh?”
“Junior...”
“You probably floating right now. You got a whole team of your favorite thing.”
“Junior, don’t start this nonsense here. Don’t act like I haven’t given you the world—”
“You didn’t. Mom did.”
He slams a hand against his desk that would’ve made thirteen-year-old me flinch. “Yeah, and with who’s damn money? Huh?”
But I’m older now and his interest in other kids doesn’t make me crawl into Mom’s lap anymore. I stopped that shit when I saw the warmth in his eyes while he watched Javier dribble a ball around his mom, Josefina, and a pouting Cree at his camp back home. That warmth turned into admiration when Javier told the team Josefina cleaned houses for a living and sometimes he and Cree traveled all the way from Long Beach on the city bus just so Ason Williams could teach him basketball fundamentals he already knew.
“That’s the thing. Everything is about money, opportunity and experience. You ever stop and think that maybe I don’t want any of that? Huh?”
“Well then, what in the hell do you want? We’ve been doing this back-and-forth mess for years. I thought you were over this. You’re jealous of kids with nothing but talent to get them by. Kids who don’t even have a home to go to during holiday breaks. You get the most out of me—you get my damn legacy. That’s worth more than any million dollar contract or pro bono coaching sessions I gave your friend.”
I used to practice these conversations with Mom. It was the only way I could keep up with the facts and gain the courage to dispute the distorted versions of Pops’ truth he likes to pound into my head.
“You’re angry today, Junior. Angers a good thing,”she’d say while I threw basketballs into the side of the house with a straight face after another missed dinner or celebration.“Come tell me how you feel so we can tell him when he gets home.”
“Yeah.” I laugh, nodding. “I’m jealous of someone who we both know will never be as good as me.”
“Right and we both know why the world will refuse to acknowledge that, don’t we? You ruined your reputation—not me.”
It’s just like the day after Mom left. Her body wasn’t even cold yet and thatLA Timesreporter had the nerve to call up Pops for a fucking statement:“Mr. Williams, what do you and your family have to say about the LA County Sheriff’s Department leak? There’s reports the victim was afraid of proceeding with a criminal case due to the nature of her relationship with your son. Can you tell us who she was to him? Were they dating?”
A fire ignites in my chest and I want my co-pilot to give me permission to harp on whatever the fuck I want. I want her skin in my mouth and her voice in my ear.
“You right.” I grab my backpack. “Fuck this shit.”
“I know you’re angry, but don’t use that language in here. I ain’t Angie.”
“Yeah, that’s the problem. I’mJuniorand you can’t even tell when I’m angry or not. You too worried about the possibility of me being exactly what someLATimesreporter said I was.”
* * *
Lourdes
“What you meanyou not going tonight?”
