“Baby.” The word comes out my mouth as a statement instead of a question just like hers did in the car.
I swallow, tightening my hand around the glass. “Where you find that?”
“In our room.”
Our.
That shit makes my stomach go wild and my dick grow even though I should talk her down, but she’s determined. There’s a fire in her eyes and I can’t fault her for it. Kids like us with mothers like ours have seen the beginning and end too many times to live without that fire, but sometimes we need somebody to put it out.
She saunters up to me, easing between my legs and snatching the glass from my shaking hand.
“You not mad at me no more?” I inhale my soap from her skin as she leans over me and sits the glass on the console table behind the couch.
“I am,” she mutters. “But you’re gonna make it better, because that’s what you always do, right? You make it better—whatever it is.”
She drapes her legs over my lap while I swallow every word she mutters. I savor each one and the confidence weaving between them. All the breath leaves my body when our chests collide and I just can’t help myself.
“Tell me what you want from me,” I choke out, scraping my fingers through her braids. “I’ll give you anything you want to make it right.”
Our chests push in and out together. She breathes for me in harsh rasps, like I’m inside her.
“How many days?” she asks.
“How many days, what?”
“How many days have you lived that you don’t fully remember?”
I would’ve taken any question but that one, but I can’t run from it. Gus says I gotta stay solid for her no matter what.
“I’d be lying if I said I knew.”
“Even days you spent with me?”
“Never. I remember every single time I laid eyes on you,” I gasp, pulling back to look at her face. “You know better than that.”
It was one of the few things 1942 let me keep. There aren’t any black holes that swallow her face. I see those eyes every time I close mine and I hear Mom saying she told me I’d find her.
“Do I really?”
Her little fingers crawl down my abdomen and I let her have her way. She shoves my shorts and briefs down until I’m naked like her.
“You know it all,” I grunt, wrapping my hand around her chin while she fumbles with the condom.
“I didn’t know how bad Mama had gotten or what to do,” she whispers, glancing at me while pulling it open.
“But you did what you were supposed to do. You called me and I came, didn’t I?”
“I didn’t know about that article.”
I see the confusion on her face and the hurt from having her first adult relationship play out for the world. Fixing it would mean telling the truth—all of it. Even if she won’t like my answer.
“I knew about it since the day after Splashtown.”
She flings her head up and her lips open, but my words pour out before she can try to talk herself out of us again.
“I was trying to protect you from it because I knew you weren’t ready for that, but takers like Blake don’t care about how precious you are, so he held it over my head. I thought if I could convince you he was alright, you’d say ‘fuck it’ and follow me to the end for real. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about the world running you away from me, but you too solid to let somebody like Blake in our lives no matter what he promises to Pops.”
A shaky breath rocks her chest and she hiccups.
