“Like me?” She flings her head back. “What kind of girl do you think I am?”
“The saddest fucking kind.”
A wannabe WAG.
She had laid all the red flags out for me in a neat line. I wasn’t on the fence about which sect she belonged to anymore.
“They’re some of the most selfish, crazy bitches, Ason, but they’ll ride for you in ways you’d never imagine. Not because they’re loyal to you though. They’re loyal to their image and the lifestyle you can give them. Don’t ever let them get close enough to you that they even have a chance to ride for you. Nip that shit in the bud as soon as you feel it,”Mom hissed, shaking her head at another wannabe WAG I brought around her: Cheyenne.
She was like LA, like Brandy, and was the antithesis of the perfect girl Mom promised I’d find. She didn’t even show up at our front door on my arm. She showed up on Javier’s with me hanging behind them as their third wheel after they fucked at a party, but Mom could spot a jersey chaser from a mile away:“That’s supposed to be Javier’s girl, but she looking at you like she’s yours. Take care of that, Ason.”
“I’m sad, but you’ve been leading me on for months? Doing all the shit guys do when they’re interested.” Brandy tosses her arms up, frowning. “Stopping by the bookstore daily?”
“You and Lourdes almost always work the same shift, so you be there when I drop in for her or you just conveniently pop up when I’m trying to steal her time.”
“Coming to my apartment?”
“Lourdes went to her first party without me. How else was I supposed to waste three hours of my night while she realized that the places I take her to are better than any college party? I didn’t even kiss you and I had her back with me at home before midnight because she knows better.” I shrug.
The dots connect in her eyes. “Don’t stand here and act like you weren’t trying to at least fuck me, Ace.”
She throws out the accusation as a last resort, but my tequila fueled mouth is already ready for it.
“Why would Ifuckyou when I can go home and make love to Lourdes?”
“Ma—make love?” she stutters out.
“Yeah. The men you dated never taught you the difference between the two?” I raise my eyebrows.
The shock on her face isn’t satisfying enough. I want more.
“I wish Lourdes was here to hear all this. Maybe she’d understand why I like to keep her up under me. It’s too many women like you walking around trying to pollute her brain with shallow shit. In fact, if she was hererightnow I’d make her tell you how much fun I have dressing her up even though she’s not model-material—your words, not mine. I even taught her how to spend my money when I’m not around, but she’s real funny about that. All she ever wanna do is buy shit for me and her Mom.”
“Nice speech.” She laughs, clapping. “And it’s too many men like you walking around, playing games. You always lead on unsuspecting girls? If I knew your type was fat ass freshman, I wouldn’t have wasted my fucking time.”
“I guess the cat’s out of the bag—I’m thatfat ass freshman’snigga, not some made up host-brother and if you knew anything about me for real, you’d know she’s always been myonlytype. On my Mama, you the type of bop I fuck and forget, but I couldn’t even be bothered to do that with your fake nice-nasty personality. Find somebody else to play with because Lourdes is the nice one—not me.”
Her pale face turns red. “Fuckyou, Ace.”
There’s no real closure and I don’t feel bad about it when she stalks away from me and back toward her waiting friend in front of the cafe.
All the nasty tequila induced words I blubbered out to her will get regurgitated to her friend and then become mangled versions of their original selves. It’s how all my falls went before this one—Cheyenne’s accusation, Mom’s death, and my forced transfer to Lockwood. Nobody ever bothers to get the truth. They just keep absorbing the outrageous words that got twisted along the way before they got to them. They won’t care that Brandy was never nice at all. She was just nasty and plotting on my comeback while the other jersey chasers on campus were still processing what happened with Cheyenne back in LA.
Gus was right.
This was just another fall for me to withstand, but I didn’t know how to get back up, because Mom didn’t have time to tell me how to get the perfect girl back if I ever lost her. I didn’t have a contingency plan for fleeting little ladies.
* * *
Lourdes
There aretwo parts to Ace—maybe even three. Since we’ve been apart, I think I’ve absorbed all of them.
There’s soft Ace who makes me regret questioning my trust for him. Last night, he didn’t send me a video of Planet Ace. He just sent a text that reminded me of what I’d been missing while I was gone.
One of One: You running. If what we have is real, you’ll let me catch up to you and take care of everything that’s wrong. That’s my responsibility as your man and as my lady you gotta trust me baby.
I read that last part a thousand times. I wanted to ask Mama if that’s how it worked with men. Did they always claim women without asking how we felt about it first? Were their bold declarations supposed to make us light-headed with a stomach full of wild butterflies even when we’re running from them and all their problems? I couldn’t ask her any of it though. I couldn’t even ask her how Marshall made it official with her. Her brain was too stuck to even remember that she was married once.
