“There’re some days I can’t fully remember,” I blurt.
“What you mean?” She winces.
Fuck.
She tries to respond again but nothing comes out except another tear because I’m halfway inside of her and she feels exactly like the sun off the Pacific Coast, even with a cape on my dick.
I suck in a deep breath.
It helps me pace myself so I won’t dive into her like I wanted to do off that yacht I told her about.
“Like days where there’s black spots in my memory. Days where I can’t remember the beginning or end because I made sure I couldn’t. Days where I strayed so far away from home that I felt hella strange when I finally made it back.”
I feel the moment Phat leaves her life as a little lady behind, even though she doesn’t believe in that type of shit. I feel the exact moment her soul stretches just enough to make room for me. Those feelings make me rotate my hips to write my name on the walls of my forever home while she screams out in gibberish and pain.
“Mind over matter, baby.” I gather her lips between mine. “Today is a day I promise I’ll remember forever, just like all the other days me and you spent together. I feel hella good because I didn’t jump over the side of that boat like I wanted to do at that party I didn’t deserve. Today is a perfect day for me and you.”
“That’s a fuckin'’ long way down, Kid,”Dough told me while I stared into the clear blue water.“What you searching for down there anyway?”
“Home, brodie,”I replied.“I woke up this morning on some dumb shit because God always be talking to me the loudest when I’m off 1942. He say I gotta find a new home because he taking mine back. I can’t argue with him about shit like that, you know?”
“You sure you wanna make that jump?”
I did.
I planned it while Mom slept in my cabin and Pops called with his fifth ETA of the day. When me and Javier snuck off to smoke a joint with the deckhand, I asked him how deep the water was where we were anchored, and how rough the currents were because Mom would’ve wanted my body afterward. I didn’t want to make shit hard for her, but God had me fucked up if he thought he was taking her and I wouldn’t go, too.
I pinch my eyes shut, sucking in the breeze that always comes when I have a part of Phat in me.
I feel theexactmoment when she realizes she can’t go back to being a little lady. All of it hurts, but she doesn’t care. Instead of complaining, she locks her legs around my waist and tangles her feet behind my back.
She chokes out little grunts that sound nothing like moans and I can’t pull my lips off of hers because I want to feel everything she feels. The pain, confusion, and pleasure. Her breath glides down my throat while I try to breathe for the both of us.
“How you feel?” I mutter into her mouth.
Her tongue twists out of my tongue’s grip. “Like I want you forever. Like I’d follow you anywhere you go. Like I’d kill you if you ever think about jumping off of anything again. Keep talking and show me forever.”
Our mouths and tongues swirl together again in a panic and it feels just like I knew it would. Just like Dough told me it’d feel when I found her.
“You ain’t gon’ find home down there, twin. Believe that,”he said, pushing his head over the ledge next to mine.
His cuban link chain slapped against the side of the boat while we both stared into the water.
“You’ll find it in the person you least expect, at a time where you at your lowest but don’t know it yet. You’ll feel it when you hear her voice first though. Maybe it’ll make your heart beat in the lamest way or your stomach queasy because she smells so familiar. But your Mom gon’ be right there inside of her, telling God, ‘that’s her.’ She’s it for you. You can’t beef with God forever, because at the end of it all, you’ll find your forever home again. We all do.”His caramel arm swiped around my neck and in the distance, Cree’s voice mixed with her feet pounding the boat’s deck.
“There you are! Thank God you found him!”
I shouldn’t, but I push as far into Phat as I can go. Her groans turn into tiny, labored pants that makemepant, while her fingernails claw into my back. All of my pumping and swirling motions are for nothing because she’s so inexperienced that just the realization of me being inside of her is what excites her most. It’s in her panting that’s turned into little amateur moans and the way she copies my movements as if she’s doing something.
I laugh into her mouth. “What you moaning for?”
“‘Ca—cause I feel you.”
I pull back, staring at her wrinkled eyebrows and wet face. “You can’t feel shit but friction and rubber, kid.”
We laugh together while I peck the places on her I never have the time to touch, like the tips of her cheeks and the shell of her ear. My hand sneaks between our bodies and I strum my thumb over her moist clit.
“As—Ason...” She moans for real this time with wet eyes.
