‘I know, but… it doesn’t feel right. I need to tell you. I was’—she put her face in her hands—‘I was… kissing Will earlier. What am I doing? I shouldn’t be doing this.’
Felipe had little sympathy. He couldn’t understand why Will hadn’t swept her off her feet and locked her up in his bedroomby now, instead of pussyfooting about with ‘dates’. The man clearly didn’t appreciate Rebecca the way she deserved to be appreciated.
‘You’re not breaking any laws,’ said Felipe a little more harshly than he meant.
‘No, but I can’t do this anymore.’ Her body stiffened. ‘This is crunch point,’ she said, locking her eyes on his.
For a moment they stared at each other and his breath caught in his chest.
‘I have to make up my mind one way or the other.’
He didn’t say a word because he didn’t want her to continue, to issue the ultimatum.
‘I have to make a decision. Move forward with Will or…’—she pointed between them—‘us.’
Holding himself rigid, he didn’t say anything. He wanted to, but the words stuck way down in his soul. Hethought of those harrowing months immediately after the crash that had killed his father and the ever-present knowledge that he had to support his family. Rebecca deserved someone who could give her everything. He couldn’t give her any guarantees.
In one lithe, smooth movement, Rebecca stood up and dumped his rucksack on his lap.
‘There,’ she said and went back to her seat on the other side of the table. She sat down and folded her arms, giving him a long, level look. ‘We can’t do this again, Felipe. It’s too confusing. I’ll understand if you don’t want me to be involved in the retreat. I’m guessing that’s the only offer on the table.’
Felipe forced himself to smile and pretend. ‘What do you mean?’
‘You know exactly what I mean.’ She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. ‘I want… I want the whole package.’
‘I want you for the job, but… this doesn’t change anything. We’re friends and I really like you. You’re perfect for the job.’He deliberately ignored the implications of what she was saying. She deserved someone who could be all in, not worried that it might all be snatched away again at any moment.
She shook her head and strode off to her bike. It took everything in him to force himself to remain seated as she cycled away.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Felipe lifted his head from his laptop, conscious of the noises upstairs. The women in his life had been ensconced in Rebecca’s room for the last hour, with frequent door opening and footsteps scurrying along the corridor, down the stairs and then back again. There was obviously some serious makeover work going on in preparation for Rebecca’s date with Will. A date about which he felt totally ambivalent. He returned his attention to the screen.
A minute later, he heard a squeal of excitement. It was impossible to concentrate and he was conscious of the odd feeling of being left out. Rebecca had been embraced by the family– he ought to be there too. He read the lease contract for the new refrigerator in the bar for a second time.
The wordsfailure to maintainblurred and he blinked and tried again. There was a cheer from upstairs. In exasperation he put aside his mouse. He’d been in a bad mood ever since he’d got back from the cycle ride yesterday. But he couldn’t offer Rebecca a future, not like Will. He just didn’t know if he could do the whole commitment thing; he couldn’t give enough of himself.
How long did it take to get ready for one single date? Over breakfast this morning there’d been a lengthy debate as to what Rebecca should wear for her date with Will at La Cigale.
He tugged at his collar which was chafing his neck and stared back at the screen.
Five minutes later, he was still on the same page and inexplicably grumpy. He ought to be going out and having a good time. Maybe he should swing by into the town. He hadn’t seen Paulo, who ran one of his favourite bars, in ages. Coincidentally, it was located just opposite La Cigale.
There was a rush of footsteps and he heard feet clattering down the stairs and shouts of ‘No, Katerina!’ There was a gale of giggles and then the door burst open.
‘Felipe!’ Katerina marched in. ‘What do you think? If a girl went on a date with her own condoms, would you think she was slutty or smart-thinking?’
‘What?’ Felipe almost swallowed his tongue.
‘Notme,’ she said as if he were a complete idiot. ‘Not that it would be any of your business. Rebecca was asking and we thought you were the best person to ask, being of the male persuasion and all that.’
When Rebecca came rushing in after Katerina, he rose to his feet.
‘Forget she asked you that,’ she said, tugging at the girl’s arm, trying to pull her back.
Katerina giggled and beat a hasty retreat.
Felipe stared at Rebecca. His mouth went dry and his wits deserted him. Someone might as well have punched a hole in his chest because all the air leaked out of his lungs. When he tried to speak, nothing came out.
